Where I use big words about food allergies.

I mustache you a question. About accoutremontes

I had a conversation with my son today about his peanut allergy and his answer surprised me. Actually, it shocked me just a little as I was not expecting answers I received.

Learning curve, oh and poop

All of Eleanor’s poop looks just like this. Seriously.

 

So the other day I literally caught poop in my hand. Despite being the mother of two, this was a first time experience for me. Obviously I’ve been pooped on, thrown up on, peed on, had things throw at me, been covered in projectile vomit repeatedly… You know, the usual badges of honour that us parents wear.

But this was, honestly, a first.

Sometimes I think that I can communicate with my baby. She seems to understand me when I babble things like ‘Who’s a pretty girl? You are! Are you pretty? You ARE! Who loves Mummy? YOU DO! Who’s my sweetie pie? YOU ARE!!!!’

(Also, I have to admit…. It is slightly humbling to hear your older child talk to your younger child in the baby voice you use. It makes him look slightly psycho. He’s four. And so that would make me…??? Old and more psychotic. Great.)

She smiles a lot while I say these (and even more ridiculous) things. So clearly we are communicating. And so when I ask her things like ‘Please don’t poop on me. Or pee. Please don’t poop or pee on me.’ as I am carrying her to the bath, I feel optimistic. Since we’ve been ‘communicating’, we’ve have no issues. 2 weeks ago, I started feeding her cereal and since then, things are a little more up in the air. Bowel movements are a bit up in the air these days….

Ie: Feed cereal. Poop it out instantaneously. Feed peas. Poop out immediately.

So I guess my plan of ‘feed dinner, immediately take a bath after’ probably was not the most well thought out plan I’ve had in recent weeks. Other plans that are equally bad? Eating hard boiled eggs bought at 7-11 for breakfast, forget to wash hands and lick fingers that are covered in dry formula and accidentally walk through puddle that is actually ‘garbage water’ (as in that liquid that leaks out of a dumpster).

Naked bottom holding with long distance walking is for sure up with these other special plans. And also, total potential Olympic fodder for future games.

Anyways, blah blah blah she pooped in my hand. Then we both took a bath and I sanitized my hand.

Parenting: a constant learning curve.

xoxo am

 

Babies. Oh, and zombies.

This may or may not apply to parenthood.

Hey, so remember when I said something along the lines of ‘Gosh, second babies are a piece of cake!!” Well, as it turns out, this is mostly true.

‘Mostly true’ being the operative term for when that second baby is really little. The older and older wee second baby gets, the less like a piece of cake they become. They get more complicated, more along the lines of a tiramisu, or a baklava. Way more layers, more intricate and difficult and way sweeter too.

They are not content to just lie there and gaze adoringly at their mother. Although, in hindsight, this is mostly happening in baby magazines and not at all in real life.

They want to do THINGS. And they are unsure of what these THINGS are, and so there is a lot of crying while they discover what kind of THINGS they like to do. THINGS may or may not include: grabbing ones toes, stuffing hands in mouths, pooping, eating more, wiggling, rolling everywhere. You get the picture.

And while this has all been going on, I’ve been trying a lot of new things:

A mild form of the Paleo-diet.

Cutting out wheat from my daily intake.

Crocheting a damn blanket.

Major addiction to the Zombies! Run app for iPhone. (This is a sad addiction, but it’s pushing me to exercise almost daily. And I delight in being chased by zombie mobs. DELIGHT.)

My random delight in the fact that not only did I love John Carter, but my discovery via an awesome high school friend that it was based on books. Books that I’ve downloaded and am now obsessed with.

Hanging with my soccer moms. Weekly dinner parties have assured that, for practically the first time ever, I have a social life.

I’ve been gazing longingly at my laptop, dreaming of quiet moments to type away. I swear my laptop has been gazing back at me… It’s being dreaming of me stroking it’s keyboard again. There are a lot of distractions lately…

Zombies, fun elimination diets, cool old sci-fi stories, soccer moms….

Yup, life is busy and great.

And I promise to share more of it with you…

xoxo a.m.

Recovery: Or how to survive a birthday party

Hottie

So Saturday we celebrated our son’s fourth birthday.

I know! I’m wondering not only how we managed to survive four years of parenthood, but also how we managed to survive our first party where we invited some of his friends.

It is, frankly, a miracle.

My love affair with TurbiTwist, or how I am extra lame

Just a half-Mothra in this shot. Extra gorgeous.

A week or so into being a full-time working mum of 2, I realize that having a turbitwist really is an essential item in my daily life.

My mother-in-law gave it to me as a joke gift at Christmas and I actually didn’t regard it as a joke. It wasn’t funny, it was practical. And kind of awesome. And my sister-in-law got one too. She might have been less excited about it than I was, but she is a decade younger than me so that pretty much explains that.

I’d used it on and off since Christmas and let me just say that it never ever ever looks as stylish on me as it does on the packaging model. I look like the hugest nerd ever, with extra big ears. My ears aren’t that big; somehow the towel accentuates their size, turning me into Dumbo. Or Mothra. yes, I think thats a better comparison. Powder blue towel head with enormous Mothra ears on either side.

I look ridiculous.

But

BUT.

Guess what saves time in the morning? Washing your hair at night.

And guess what sucks for people who have ridiculously curly hair and live in a State like, say, Florida, where it’s extremely hot and humid and rainy and tropical all the time? Not having enough time in the morning to sort out said hair, leaving the house with it wet/damp and looking ridiculous in a professional setting as a result.

Yup. That is the epitome of suckage. I might have been able to get away with it when I was in my twenties, but since I am now firmly in my mid-thirties it really is pretty damn sloppy to hit the road in the morning like that. Especially in Florida when it quickly turns into Giant Clown head.

And so? Yes, it’s true. I now wash my hair at night and throw it up in a turbi twist and sleep with it like that. And in the morning, my hair is mostly tame and only requires the merest whisp of flat iron to behave. And this, in between the insanity of feeding a baby, feeding a preschooler, walking the dog, my husband juicing a million fruits and veg for what seems like hours, avoiding getting covered in formula, getting covered in formula, changing my clothes again, slapping on some makeup, driving to Eleanor’s daycare and then speeding into the office… Well, this really does help the morning run smoother.

I also think this really helps bolster my ‘cool mom’ factor. Well, even if it doesn’t (which is really hard to believe), my hair has been looking pretty amazing.

Get one. It will change your life. xoxo a.m.

And back to work I go: First steps

I enjoy a pipe once in a while… (instagram bitches)

So it’s the end of May and guess what? I’m going back to work.

I was pregnant yesterday. Don’t you remember? I have to admit that I have to concentrate to remember myself. Eleanor was first and foremost a dream. And then an unexpected reality. And then vividly and sometimes violently present, in a manner of speaking.

One day, she was in two places at once. That’s how amazing she is.

And then, suddenly, we were a family of four.

If you asked me 15 years ago (and it pains me to even have to use that number to go back far enough in my past), I never would have imagined myself with two children. And now I can’t imagine myself without.

This past week I packed it in with Vince and Eleanor. Edward told me I was crazy pretty much every morning when I told him what my plans for the day were. But you know what? Grocery shopping is the big test with two kids. If you can manage that, then it’s safe to say that everything else really can be that easy. He has yet to experience it and therefore doesn’t thoroughly understand. Jerk.

Afternoon stroll

Therefore the Zoo and Gatorland are totally doable. The Brevard County Zoo is amazing and I’m not even a big zoo fan. You know… animals… cages… Makes me slightly uncomfortable. Not the biggest fan. But there happened to be animatronic dinosaurs and that is always a winner. And a splash-pad. Ignoring the fact that we were yelled at by a zoo employee for splashing in an, apparently, inappropriate area (assholes), it was amazing.

Mummy! I love gators. A lot.

And Gatorland? Gatorland has a train. AND, obviously, gators. AND PopPop came and met us. And nobody yelled at us. AND there were hotdogs. Win!

We hit Disney up too. Vince has been dying to go, has mentioned it non-stop for weeks. We finally managed to get a date that worked for all of us. And as a bonus for me, my lovely cousin was able to join us. Since the boys rode all rides possible and Eleanor and I just hung around, it was awesome that she was there to assist in mocking tourists non-stop. It’s an easy job, but someones gotta do it. And she does it well.

Friday was a day I was proud of. I took Vince to the library AND he used  his inside voice THE WHOLE TIME. And nobody yelled at us like the week before.

So I guess you can boil down the things that I taught my son in the last few weeks to be the following:

How to use a remote control

How to operate the dvd player

How to open the front door and run down the street (wait… what?)

How to pee like Daddy does (What? Wait…. Didn’t he already know how t…. Oh. No. Nope. he didn’t. So glad I learned that…)

How to pick up his sister and carry her around like a sac of potatoes (this was not taught, he learned all by himself)

How to identify his sister as ‘his’ and ‘not yours, Mummy’.

How to fluently use the term ‘sweetie-pie’ and ‘big-brother’ and neither used in a creepy manner.

How to pick up and carrying around our chihuahua, in a manner that does not invite dog-bites. Mostly.

How to (help me) make scrambled eggs. And also how to (help me) do the laundry.

Tomorrow I head back into the office. After dropping Ms Eleanor off at daycare for the first time of course. I am hoping that everything goes smoothly. For me, I mean.

Second time through being a mum is way easier. I might have mentioned this before and it’s completely true. You know what to expect this time and I found myself pretty much not fazed by anything. Poop, pee, coughing, rectal thermometers, crying, rashes… whatever. It’s just so much easier to handle mentally because, in my case especially, everything awful that could have happened already has. In some case, it’s happened repeatedly.

Even daycare is easier to approach and so I’ve been gearing up for it for the last couple of weeks. Most likely I’ll still be a mess tomorrow, that’s just my emotional m.o. I am a Cancer, after all. But this time around, I am way more confident in my choice of a caretaker (Vince’s school) for my sweet girl. {ie: She’s not staying in someones garage and that someone won’t lie to us and disappear months later. Still weirded out about that.} (also that sounded way worse when I wrote it out than it actually was. Honest.)

Regardless, it will always be hard to leave your child for the first time. And after weeks of Eleanor daily sweetness, and about a month of gummy grins and gooey little noises I know that it won’t be a cake-walk.

So wish me luck tomorrow. I will be keeping it together.

xoxo a.m.

Awards and such

I’m a slacker.

It’s my last week of maternity leave and I’ve decided to pack as much into it with the kids as I possibly can. Typical.

And then a very nice fellow blogger nominated me for a blog award. Which reminded me that I’d been nominated for one before BUT DID NOTHING ABOUT IT.

So my thanks MamaBearMatters! Thank you for nominating me. It really is just the nicest thing to have people reach out to you (especially people that aren’t your parents) and tell you that they enjoy reading what you’re putting out there. I appreciate your feedback and really enjoy your blog (check her out! She’s pretty great!)

And also, my apologies to Vicky the Northern Chicky! She nominated me as well and I promptly forgot. (You should check her out too!) Thank you!

The Versatile Blogger Award:

– Nominate 15 fellow bloggers (or as many as you deem worthy).

– Inform the bloggers of their nomination.

– Share 7 things about yourself.

– Thank the blogger who nominated you and link back to them.

– Add the “Versatile Blogger Award” pic to your blog post.

Seven things about me that probably are mostly interesting to my Mum:

1) I am from Vancouver Island, BC Canada, have dual citizenship and have lived in Florida for the last 6 years.

2) I met my husband after University graduation when we both taught English in Hamamatsu, Japan.

3) I can still read some Japanese, even though it’s been almost been a decade since I lived overseas.

4) I wish I had the wherewithall to do cloth diapers, but I don’t and beat myself up about my contributions to global waste.

5) I’ve wanted to write a book FOREVER. Like since I was 8. This is me practicing. I’ve been practicing for almost 4 years.

6) I thought I had good taste in movies, but the cold, hard reality is that I have the worst taste ever. But since I don’t care, it balances out nicely!

7) Literally right after I gave birth to my daughter Eleanor, I joked with my doctor ‘Well, that was easy! I might have to do it again!’ I’d never seen my husband turn that colour before in my life. I was mostly joking.

I’m supposed to nominate several people but I don’t follow that many on here. This year is the most involved I’ve gotten in the WordPress community and I am enjoying it so much… So here’s a few of my recent finds. Hope you enjoy them too!

Doodling through Life

Living the Green Life

Sleeping Should be Easy

Dirty Rotten Parenting

I hope you enjoy! I know that I do…

xoxo a.m.

More about boobs

“Happy Mother’s Day! I filled this diaper just for you!”

Mother’s Day is, I feel, the equivalent of Valentine’s Day. Another one of those ‘manufactured holidays’ hyped by card companies to generate revenue. And also, I need to chime in on that Time cover too. Just like everyone else! I know you want to read all about it. Seriously. You do.

Nurture, not eye-roll (or at least less eye rolling)

“Mummy!” Vincent shouted at me the other day, with real fear in his voice, “There’s a monkey in my nose!”

And what, you may ask, does this mean? It means he has a booger.

……..

Exactly.

About a year or so ago this phrase evolved, probably from me saying something ridiculous like “You’ve got bats in the cave”. I frequently say things that border on the ridiculous to both my children. Who doesn’t? Isn’t that part of parenting? Making up explanations for wee folk who don’t really understand what you are saying? Most of the time, the more creative you are the better. Once we told Vince ‘Don’t crawl around under the table because that’s where the snakes are’ and we’ve pretty much never needed to worry about him doing that in a restaurant ever again. (Yes, yes, we are awful, I know. Whatever.) So how on earth did a playful “You’ve got a monkey in your nose” evolve into something that is a cause for major concern, in my son’s eyes anyways?

Tough love and Rocket ships

Under construction…

Today is going to be a great day. I just know it I woke up knowing it. Vince woke up super chipper. Eleanor woke up with gooey smiles. Clearly the day is already earmarked to be amazing. Hopefully I haven’t just screwed myself with my overabundance of optimism.

4 weeks into being a stay-at-home-mom and things are slowly starting to improve. Last week was a week of tough love. But that tough love seems to have created a little boy who is determined to listen to me. Hallelujah! I’ll let you in on my secret.