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“Happy Mother’s Day! I filled this diaper just for you!”

Mother’s Day is, I feel, the equivalent of Valentine’s Day. Another one of those ‘manufactured holidays’ hyped by card companies to generate revenue. And also, I need to chime in on that Time cover too. Just like everyone else! I know you want to read all about it. Seriously. You do.

How to lose your child in a department store (A Guide)

This is what not running looks like...

First of all, and this part is really important, try to make sure that you get infected with pinkeye 2 or 3 days prior to attempting to lose your child. This, I feel, really heightens the event by increasing not only your uncomfortableness but skewing your vision as well.

And ideally this will all take place on a Sunday. And if all of the stars are aligned properly, it will also be Mother’s Day.

We very politely crossed the parking lot, holding hands, and entered the building. We went and collected a shopping cart, V scooted in and off we went. Just browsing, I picked up a cute work shirt, grabbed some Mickey Mouse pj’s for Little Man and was perusing some trinkets WHEN. WHEN

He picked up 2 watches from a display table and did a runner.

And while running away from me? He kicked off his sandals, gained momentum and disappeared between the brassieres…

Oh my god. There were way to many brassieres. It was like finding a needle in a jungle. And V is like a huge chubby needle, with no shoes, but I still couldn’t find him.

Not in the men’s long sleeve shirt section. Not amongst the kitchen goods.

Where was he? I had no idea. Edward called me while I was looking… Transcript to follow:

E: “Happy Mother’s Day sweetie!!”

J: “I lost our child.”

E: “What. What!”

J: “Ya. I’ll call you back.”

*Click*

5 or possibly 10 minutes later, a giggly, blonde, curly mess with no shoes tore around the corner of a display, watches in hand. And perhaps the cheekiest grin you have ever seen in your whole entire life. Unless you are me. Then, you see a new one ever single day.

So to recap trying to capture this delicious moment…

Plan on pinkeye. Aim for little to no sleep for at least 2 days prior to the event. Also, having your husband sleeping downstairs on a futon because he doesn’t want to catch your disease. Very important. If you also have a fever and  sinus congestion while this is all going on, even better. I feel it really heightens the emotional reward.

xoxo a.m.

(My Mother’s Day sucked. Except for that part when my child was sleeping)

Mama

To my Mum… for being the best everything. Thank you.

To my Auntie… for being the other best everything. Really you are my other Mum and I feel pretty lucky to have two of you.

To Talia… Welcome to that amazing club that binds us all together. Kiss sweet Daniel for me and give him a little neck snuzzle.

And to all of the other women in my life, whether you are a mother yourself or not… Thank you for being in my life. Whether I talk to you often or not, you all (and you know who you are) are constantly in my thoughts.

So I’m sending the love out there today. Hope you can feel it heading your way…

xoxo a.m. and from Vince as well