Monthly Archives: November 2011

Sex and the toddler

My pregnancy evoked an interesting development in our house today, one I guess that was to be expected but, at the same time, one that I was not really thinking I’d be exploring this particular Sunday.

Please to read my conversation with my son:

“Mummy? Is the baby in your tummy?”, Vince asked as he walked deliberately towards me.

“Yes Sweetie, the baby is in my tummy”, I responded absent-mindedly.

“Is it in your bottom tummy, here?” he asked as he patted my lower stomach area, “Or is it up here”, he continued as he patted higher up on my tummy.

“The baby is all in here, all around”, I responded, rubbing my belly in a circular motion. I was totally engrossed in rereading ‘The Host’ by Stephanie Meyer and not really paying much attention.

“If the baby is in here, then what is this Mummy?” Vince asked as he inquisitively patted my breasts.

Well, that got my attention. And I actually put down my nook. AND I made a face.

Because really, I had no idea where to go with this one. I glanced over at Edward, who was in the kitchen making some much needed coffee. He got in late last night and from the looks of it REALLY REALLY needed to drink that coffee before I involved him in anything like this.

While I was stalling, Vince kept going:

“What are they Mummy? Are they elephants?? Are they teddy bears? Are they giraffes?

Good lord, he thought he was funny. And I kept having to swipe little hands off my chest, where they were apparently planning on parking for the day.

I looked over at Edward: “A little help please?! What did you want to call these?

He mouthed “Fun bags” at me with a smirky grin. Ass. Clearly the  coffee had done it’s trick. And clearly I was hitting this one solo.

“Well, they are Mummy’s… ahhh… boobies…”, I said with a wince. Saying that sentence out-loud made me feel like the lamest, oldest, lame-o ever in the history of lame. Geez-us. And while I was saying that word out-loud, I looked over at Edward who  was making a disapproving face at me. He apparently did not approve  of my word choice.

But that was ok, because V said “Your Boo-boos?” and I leapt on it like it was a raft and I was drowning.

“Yes!!! Booboos!” Probably I didn’t need to shout it so loudly. And then the moment passed, he stopped touching my chest and the morning progressed…

Holy touch and go Batman!

And I think we are going to leave them as ‘booboos’ for the time being. Easier, no? I am quite aware that this subject will come up again. Actually, I am surprised that this is the first time we’ve had to address it. I might need to get one of those age appropriate sex books. Or something. Gah. Can’t he stay ignorant forever? I don’t really need to tell him about this kind of stuff, right?

I think I’ll just sweep it under the rug for the time being… K? Shhh, don’t tell…

xxoo a.m.



Filed under Florida, parenting, patience

Round. Er.

Frilly pants freak out!

So a few weeks later, I am back. A little rounder and feeling more content. Did I mention rounder? Round. Er.

Quite a few things have transpired in the last little, transforming things. I think the hugest of these is finding out that we are expecting a sweet baby girl. To be honest, I really was excited for whatever sweet little baby we were having. And to be honest, I secretly hoped, in my heart of hearts that it would be a girl. And to be really honest, I really thought it was going to be a boy.

We found out 3 weeks ago and I still am not totally adjusted. Even though I have quite the list of girls names, I am still clinging to the boys… I was so sure it would be another little man that I was way more involved with considering that gender.

So with baby steps I am realizing what the other side of the gender equation holds for me.

Obviously pink is a big draw. Tights are going to be huge. Today I realized hair accessories and possible ballet classes. Last week I went to Ross and browsed the girls section and just about broke down. Everything had cats, sparkles, ruffles on the bottom and frills.

My mind was completely blown.

This past weekend, I bought paint for the nursery and browsed a completely different colour spectrum. It was quite surreal.

And of course, the biggest departure will be less penis cleaning. What a thrill! (I know  you are secretly thrilled for me).

It’s a huge mental adjustment and I am just dusting the surface of what this will really mean. In a way it feels like I am about to become a parent again for the first time. And yes, I am bordering on the dramatic. It’s just what I do, no control over it…

My awful headache/migraines are slowly decreasing, which I think is in direct proportion to how much caffeine I am drinking (when combined with my headache meds). My doc gave me the go ahead to add some coffee or soda to the prescription he gave he to help give them a little boost and since then it’s been much more effective. Still have the headaches 4 or 5 times a week, but it’s a little more manageable…

Anyways, things are feeling peaceful. Baby is feeling busy. Vince is feeling extra chatty and proclaims things like “Look Mummy! I’m a pineapple!” and “Watch me! I’m a hot dog! With mustard!”

I feel a resurgence of bliss and joy and am welcoming both with open arms. I am quite certain I will never let them go…

xoxo a.m. (Baby girl! Freak out!)



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Filed under Florida, girls, parenting, patience