And back to work I go: First steps

I enjoy a pipe once in a while… (instagram bitches)

So it’s the end of May and guess what? I’m going back to work.

I was pregnant yesterday. Don’t you remember? I have to admit that I have to concentrate to remember myself. Eleanor was first and foremost a dream. And then an unexpected reality. And then vividly and sometimes violently present, in a manner of speaking.

One day, she was in two places at once. That’s how amazing she is.

And then, suddenly, we were a family of four.

If you asked me 15 years ago (and it pains me to even have to use that number to go back far enough in my past), I never would have imagined myself with two children. And now I can’t imagine myself without.

This past week I packed it in with Vince and Eleanor. Edward told me I was crazy pretty much every morning when I told him what my plans for the day were. But you know what? Grocery shopping is the big test with two kids. If you can manage that, then it’s safe to say that everything else really can be that easy. He has yet to experience it and therefore doesn’t thoroughly understand. Jerk.

Afternoon stroll

Therefore the Zoo and Gatorland are totally doable. The Brevard County Zoo is amazing and I’m not even a big zoo fan. You know… animals… cages… Makes me slightly uncomfortable. Not the biggest fan. But there happened to be animatronic dinosaurs and that is always a winner. And a splash-pad. Ignoring the fact that we were yelled at by a zoo employee for splashing in an, apparently, inappropriate area (assholes), it was amazing.

Mummy! I love gators. A lot.

And Gatorland? Gatorland has a train. AND, obviously, gators. AND PopPop came and met us. And nobody yelled at us. AND there were hotdogs. Win!

We hit Disney up too. Vince has been dying to go, has mentioned it non-stop for weeks. We finally managed to get a date that worked for all of us. And as a bonus for me, my lovely cousin was able to join us. Since the boys rode all rides possible and Eleanor and I just hung around, it was awesome that she was there to assist in mocking tourists non-stop. It’s an easy job, but someones gotta do it. And she does it well.

Friday was a day I was proud of. I took Vince to the library AND he used  his inside voice THE WHOLE TIME. And nobody yelled at us like the week before.

So I guess you can boil down the things that I taught my son in the last few weeks to be the following:

How to use a remote control

How to operate the dvd player

How to open the front door and run down the street (wait… what?)

How to pee like Daddy does (What? Wait…. Didn’t he already know how t…. Oh. No. Nope. he didn’t. So glad I learned that…)

How to pick up his sister and carry her around like a sac of potatoes (this was not taught, he learned all by himself)

How to identify his sister as ‘his’ and ‘not yours, Mummy’.

How to fluently use the term ‘sweetie-pie’ and ‘big-brother’ and neither used in a creepy manner.

How to pick up and carrying around our chihuahua, in a manner that does not invite dog-bites. Mostly.

How to (help me) make scrambled eggs. And also how to (help me) do the laundry.

Tomorrow I head back into the office. After dropping Ms Eleanor off at daycare for the first time of course. I am hoping that everything goes smoothly. For me, I mean.

Second time through being a mum is way easier. I might have mentioned this before and it’s completely true. You know what to expect this time and I found myself pretty much not fazed by anything. Poop, pee, coughing, rectal thermometers, crying, rashes… whatever. It’s just so much easier to handle mentally because, in my case especially, everything awful that could have happened already has. In some case, it’s happened repeatedly.

Even daycare is easier to approach and so I’ve been gearing up for it for the last couple of weeks. Most likely I’ll still be a mess tomorrow, that’s just my emotional m.o. I am a Cancer, after all. But this time around, I am way more confident in my choice of a caretaker (Vince’s school) for my sweet girl. {ie: She’s not staying in someones garage and that someone won’t lie to us and disappear months later. Still weirded out about that.} (also that sounded way worse when I wrote it out than it actually was. Honest.)

Regardless, it will always be hard to leave your child for the first time. And after weeks of Eleanor daily sweetness, and about a month of gummy grins and gooey little noises I know that it won’t be a cake-walk.

So wish me luck tomorrow. I will be keeping it together.

xoxo a.m.

More about boobs

“Happy Mother’s Day! I filled this diaper just for you!”

Mother’s Day is, I feel, the equivalent of Valentine’s Day. Another one of those ‘manufactured holidays’ hyped by card companies to generate revenue. And also, I need to chime in on that Time cover too. Just like everyone else! I know you want to read all about it. Seriously. You do.

Monday Recap (now with more urine!)

Just about 2 more weeks left before I return to work and I have to admit that after Monday, right around 8:30 in the morning, I was positively longing for it. Mostly because there were people there that I could effectively communicate with. Most of the time, that is. And even if I did have to deal with cranky patients all day, surely that would be better than what I had just gone through.

I’m sure you are curious. Let me just say it involves urine. And a lot of it. If you aren’t that interested in reading about pee then I suggest you stop now. Because pretty much that’s what this whole post is about…

My son is a bit of a handful, to say the least. And upon reflection, that really might be all boys/girls/children right on the cusp of 4. I am pretty sure I’ve talked about this before, sorry if it’s boring. But I know you parents out there with children around this age are sympathizing. And drinking.

Vince has A LOT of energy. And A LOT of drama. And a NEW BABY SISTER. And a MUMMY WHO NEEDS MORE SLEEP. And I do my very best to keep him entertained and engaged as the days pass. We do some crafts, some scissor skills things, practice tracing letters and numbers. We do regular outings to the library and used book stores. We do all sorts of stuff.

So I figured Monday was going to be something busy. You know, because I plan Monday on Monday morning. Except I woke up exhausted and could barely get out of bed. What was that all about? I have no idea. Somehow I managed to bribe Vince to snuggling in my bed and watching Phineas and Ferb while Mummy slept. And then, once I was done that, take a shower. And it while I was taking that illicit shower that it began.

Queen Mother

We left off yesterday as V was handing me a diaper full of a giant poo that he had just created. Such a thoughtful little boy.

And as I drove off to work after passing it on to M, all I could think about was urine, feces and pants full of both.

Oh, and then pleasant things like how V is a big boy now and how I GUESS I (we) need to make the move to the big boy pants. And this was a tough one! How to you know when they are ready for no more diapers and just training pants?

I guess when they hand the diaper to you, that’s a good sign. And so it was. Now our house is full of Toy Story 3 potty paraphernalia. And to be honest? It is all rather exhausting. Especially since we are on uncertain, shakey ground in terms of potty experience.

Let’s face it. All we have had is one big poo in the potty. And then 2 removed diapers. Oh, and then a refusal to be diapered yesterday and a firm vocalization to wear ‘Diego’ (that’s who is on the training pants). Not that he knows who Diego is. Since we never watch that show. Somehow he just knows. It’s like osmosis or something..

But that’s not much to go on. And so I am making it all up (and backing it up with things my Joa and my Shannon have told me). Those girls know where it’s at.

Tonight we were extremely excited about going potty and taking a bath. At least until I took off his diaper and saw the WORST diaper rash EVER.

Oh great.

And so bath? Not so much. I left the experience drenched. It was like I had been on a water ride at one of the parks.

And diaper? No. Training pants? Also no. Regardless, I Desitined that butt down and pulled one up. Red painful-looking bum? Check!!

Today there was no diapers removed and handed to a parent. Nothing was removed at all actually. In fact, it was just a normal awful day with a two year old. He woke up at 2:30 and wouldn’t go back to sleep. And he just wanted Mummy and Daddy’s bed. And then just wanted to make pig noises in our bed. Not sleep at all. That would have been logical.

So he thrashed and we slept lightly. He woke up and so did we. He made pig noises and we groaned. He talked to Chewie and we stuck our fingers in our ears. He said ‘Mummy snuggles  and Mummy snuggled him within an inch of his life. And then?

Mummy said, “Daddy. Wake up. I have to go to work in 3 hours and I need some sleep”.

Daddy, “Alright Vincent, mummy’s kicking us out, lets go sleep in the little bed.”

Vincent, “Little bed ok.”

And then Mummy slept. And then Mummy woke up at 6 am and went running. This was quite important. Oh yeah… and then Mummy was tired all day long because of a fractured night.

But would you like to see what always makes it better? And this always does. Seriously.

Having ones small child throw oneself at you while shouting ‘MUMMY! Mummy Mum. Mummy! Mum. Mummy’. And all of this while surprising him at a restaurant this evening.

I felt like I was Queen of the Universe.

Love you Vincent…

xoxo

Trying

Trying to figure out what to blog about tonight, I asked M.

“Duh.” he said, “About motherhood”. Oh. Right.

I didn’t want to hit the obvious gong over and over since everyone and their dog would be writing about something similar. But, who cares. Right? Do you care? I am pretty sure it doesn’t bother you that much…

And you know what? It’s a hard thing to just sum up.

I’ve been a Mum now for almost 2 years and dudes. DUDES. It is amazing. And hard as balls. Tough as freakin’ balls as well. And sometimes just plain ol’ balls.

Especially if you have boy(s).

So ladies? What is this whole day about? Is it really the only day that we can celebrate us being super awesome Mother machines? Thanks Hallmark for putting a huge stamp on this day.

Well, here’s a summary of what it is about for me:

6:00 wake-up

9:00 actual wake-up… Thanks M for taking that little Man downstairs and feeding him. At 6 am. You know what? That was awesome.

9:20 am Tea-time in the courtyard. With Vince.  A Vince covered in  dirt. Who was also still in most of his pajamas.

10:45 Heading to Sassy and Pop-Pop’s to hit up the pool. Sweet. Forgot sunscreen. Awesome. Remembered flowers. Yay!

2:30 pm Vodka and tonic  as per my mother-in-law. Thanks Fran!

6:45 bedtime. By this time V was a sleepless wreck. A crying, clingy, sleepless, super-needy mess. One that needed extra cuddles. Oh Lord… how I love and hate this at the same time.

So, is this just the day in the life? Perhaps. There is more. Did you want to know all about it?

Just a taste perhaps?

Nap in car on the way home from sassy and Pop-Pop’s. Super scream bath.  I love Mummy and will not sit and only cuddle with her. I won’t drink milk. I will not do anything. Mummy. Mummy Mummy Mummy Mummmmmmmmy Mummy!!! MUMMY!!!

Egg? Egg! Papaya? Papaya!! Puppies!! Puppies yes!

We read books about Puppies. We brushed our teeth. We snuggled.

And then? Well, V cried when I left the room. And he was so tired from no naps that he was literally alseep on the next breath.

So Motherhood, thanks. With the cries, screams, wet diaper marks that look like you’ve peed your pants that you don’t notice until you go to 7-11 to buy a slurpee, extended cheese courses, red wine, more red wine and then some awesome Buffy action. I understand that this day is essentially an excuse for me to indulge in everything. Red wine. Bad tv. Toddler snuggles.

It’s a total chaos indulgence. Every single day.

Awesome.

xoxo a.m.