Tag Archives: V

Shoeless

feet-blog

This morning as I struggled to put shoes on V’s little chubby feet, I realized that we had a problem….

The problem was that the shoes didn’t really fit. But that’s ok, I crammed them on anyways and somehow managed to do the Velcro strap up. I made them fit because I had bought them about 2 weeks ago and at that time they were too big. I can hardly believe that his feet grew that much in such a short period of time.

When M and I lived in Japan, M had problems finding shoes that fit him. Men’s feet are just not that big over there. And, well, his feet are BIG. The one place that he found to buy sneakers had the larger shoes arranged in a section entitled “Big Feet!”, with a sign exclaiming that and a huge arrow pointing down from the ceiling at the shoe selection (with a giant foot hanging over the area too). So pretty much the most embarrassing place ever to buy shoes. He didn’t go that often.

I think it’s those Italian genes, genes which V has clearly inherited as it basically looks like I cloned M into a baby. Really, they look so much alike. So it makes sense that the feet would be part of the whole package.

It is a little annoying to buy shoes and have them not fit 2 days later (slight exaggeration).

We had a few pairs of Robeez (which I love), but the last time he wore them (last weekend at Epcot) they left the most awful redmarks on his little feet which made me feel like the worst Mummy in the whole world. So those are going into storage. Bummer. They fit so well and once they warmed up to his body temperature they clunge nicely to his feet and were so flexible.

Cutest shoes ever though. If you haven’t checked out their website, click here

So that’s the gist of it. My son has huge feet. I am resigned about it. And he has no shoes.

Ok, well, he could have shoes if I wanted to spend lot’s o’money, but since I am cheap, right now he has no shoes that fit. He’s my ghetto baby… no shoes, and soon…. no shirt and pants and only a diaper. And by then I am sure I will also be shoeless, out of a job, on medicaid and welfare and pregnant again. And all because my son has big feet.

For Ghetto baby names (and an indepth discussion), click here

For a longer list of ghetto names, click here

For the Ghetto, click here

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Filed under annoying, holy mother, Mad skills, Mummy, patience, shoes, Uncategorized

Bats in the cave

booger-blog

Such a charming expression I picked up in Japan from an Englishman…. it always made me laugh. Right now it aptly describes V’s ongoing condition and my latest obsession…. and obsession is the best way I know how to describe it.

Currently we are embroiled in the midst of a nasty cold. So on top of the wheat and peanut issues, we are now dealing with mild asthma and the introduction of a nebulizer. V is on a course of antibiotics for his ear infection and some steroids for the asthma.

The fun never stops at the ‘perfect health’ bus-stop over here!

For those of you not familiar with this phrase, it refers to boogers (visible ones, that is). I am not going to mince words here. And my following details might be a little graphic….mostly about baby boogers, so I think you all (y’all) can handle it.

V’s little nose is so congested and runny right now that the booges are forming a booge barrier just inside his nose. It’s like a beaver dam or something. Stacks and stacks of boogies, drying up and piling on top of each other. And it seems to happen in a matter of minutes. It feels like I just clean up this icky nose, when it happens again.

Clearly the boogers are ganging up on me.

Hence my obsession. And, of course, like all babies, V hates anyone fussing with his nose. And so I have to pin his head in one place while I use a wet wash-cloth (as this is the only way to knock down that beaver-dam) and scrub and scrub and scrub at his boogie nose.

There is crying and hitting (him hitting me, that is), some shrieking as well. It’s so unpleasant. But once it’s done, it’s done. And all is right in the world. V immediately forgets about it, and life is good.

It reached a point this afternoon that was rather ridiculous.

There I was, scrubbing away, V shrieking, me desperately trying to get that last boogie. Finally, I went right in with my fingers and pried that sticky huge thing away from his face.

“Aha!!!”, I exclaimed, “Gotcha!” and I held it triumphantly up in the air in our dining-room, like it was the Holy Grail or the Sword in the Stone or some other monstrously important artifact.

Yes, that’s right, I am indeed a booger archeologist.

Going where no man (but plenty of mummies, I imagine) has gone before.

M mumbled “Good job” from the living-room while he played wrestling on our PS3. Clearly he was not impressed by my ‘score’.

Anyways, then I realized that I had a booger on my finger (and one that wasn’t mine) and quickly went over to the sink and washed it off.

Again, ahhh motherhood…..

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Filed under boogers, health, Holy Grail, parenting, V

How to Daddy

father2-blog

My husband and I do things completely different. Cooking, (diapering obviously), cleaning and parenting. I am sure it is the same in every relationship whether children are involved or not.

When M has ‘Daddy-duty’, which is a few nights a week while I do things like go to yoga or go running, all bets are off. And I mean all bets….

Feeding V does not require a bib. Ever.

Because “Bibs are for babies and we are real men”… and that is practically a quote.

It makes me laugh every time he says it. However, squash, sweet potato and pea stains on his crib sheets from vegetables on his pj’s? *sigh*

V’s bath-time becomes a water battle-ground. At least 6 wash-cloths get used to clean that little plump body. And at at least 3 towels are used to dry it. (mini-secret: I hate laundry)

Everything is done in this super-jocular voice, which is really rather funny.

The other night I heard him reading to V, and it was the cutest thing. One of those ‘Bright Babys’ board books. Lots of brightly coloured pictures of animals, with the word below the picture.

So I heard things like this….

“Look! It’s a lion! Rawr!!!”

“A baby chicken says ‘Peep peep!'”

“A macaw! What the heck is that doing in this book?”

“A guinea pig! That’s what we test!”

I did a double take at the baby monitor when I heard the last….. it made me giggle.

V was having the time of his life, listening to Daddy read him stories. And then in the middle of all this fun, Daddy shouted in a jolly kind of manner  “All aboard the sleepy train!”. And put V to bed.

Just like that.

I think V was in shock. Usually there is some rocking, some cuddling, big kisses and some sweet talk before bed with Mummy. With Daddy, however, there is none of that. Just straight to bed.

It just struck me as funny.

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Filed under Daddy, Mummy, parenting, Uncategorized

Fisting (my diaper genie)

genie-blog

Have you ever had to fist a diaper genie?

Welcome to my morning.

I wake up at 5:20 every morning during the week. This morning V woke up roughly around the same time, and when I went in to get him up he was waiting for me. With soaking-wet pants.

Not just a wet diaper, but wet all the way through pj’s too. And after I took his pj bottoms off on the changing table and prepared to do battle with his diaper, I realized the reason. My husband was the reason. And probably will continue to be the reason. Until V is out of diapers that is….

M is perhaps not the most skilled at diaper changing. I might have mentioned this before. It was barely on, so no wonder that he was soaked. SOAKED.

Pants were off and I was getting ready to clean him up and I reached into the wipes warmer (yes, I have one. A result of 1 consistent week of crying every time I wiped a dirty bum with a cold wipe.) and found that it was completely empty!

“YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING!”, is what I shouted out in V’s bedroom. V smiled and giggled at me while I shouted. M didn’t hear anything, he was in the shower.

I slowly backed away from V, my eyes locked on his as he kicked his legs on the changing table (I know ‘they’ say not to do that, but let’s face it, it happens), and backed into his closet where the refills were. (note to self: keep back-up at near crib as M is unreliable)

So he got wiped down, clean diaper, clean pj’s and I went to put the diaper in the diaper genie and that’s when I discovered that it was completely full.

And it smelled.

Mostly it was just totally full though. And that’s when my fisting skills came into play. Bet you haven’t heard that phrase outside of a porno before, eh?

Fisting a diaper genie is where you fist punch the stack of stinky diapers down to make room for ‘just one more’.

Awesome. Sometimes I wonder, am I the only one doing things like this?? Surely I am not the only with mad fisting skills?

Or am I?

Lord only knows…. and I could care less. If I can fit one more in there by using my fist, then I will.

Ah, motherhood….

click here to learn about Diaper Genies and how they work (perhaps this is a video for the very stupid?)

click here to see an actual diaper genie

click here to see a bacon genie (best invention ever? Perhaps…)

and click here to see the slipper genie….

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Filed under Mad skills, parenting, patience, Uncategorized, V

Anniversary

nodancing-blog

In one week, Mike and I will have been married for 4 years. In honour of our anniversary I am actually using his real name, but probably I will continue to call him ‘M’ in upcoming posts.

4 years is a big deal to me.

1 year away from 5 which feels like a huge landmark.

Almost 1 year since Vincent was born and we ate French food for our 3rd anniversay at a restaurant who’s slogan is ‘Bon appetite, y’all!”.

6 1/2 years since we have been together in total.

3 years since I moved to Florida.

Almost 3 years since my 30th birthday, when I ate amazing sushi and then got super drunk at a downtown bar and made an ass out of myself (as I have been known to do).

4 1/2 years since we left Japan. Holy. Moly.

8 years since I graduated from University with a degree that I don’t really use. My dream job was organizing exhibits for museums. Any museum. Well, maybe not a bug museum or something like that…..

11 years since I went dancing for the first time. Yes, thats right. I didn’t dance until I was 22. Just too wholesome, I guess…..

15 years since I graduated from High School. Which means that my 20 year reunion is coming up in the next few years. Interesting.

1 month since I started Bikram yoga. And 1 month since I started feeling more relaxed.

10 months since Vincent was born. And about 6 hours since I seriously started thinking about how much he would like a little sister (a sister, I might add, whose name has been picked out for about 6 months).

12 hours since I realized that I do indeed have Mike’s cold. Damn.

And about 2 minutes since I also realized that I should be in bed….

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Filed under dancing, happy, holy mother, M, Uncategorized, V

Creepy

creepy-blogI have a little toy basket in our bedroom for the odd toys that end up in our room.  I think currently there is a plushie fish, a bear and a plastic telephone.

The telephone has little pictures on the buttons and talks when you push them.

“Car”

“Baby”

“Cup”

And in spanish too!

It makes animals noises too. It meows and barks and growls. V loves it and gnaws away on it, pushing the buttons with his face and teeth.

I think it’s been in the bedroom for about a week or so. Last weekend it started meowing during the night. Woke me right out of a dead sleep.

I lay there, half awake wondering what on earth I had heard that had woke me up. I am such a light sleeper since V entered our life, I wake up at a heavy sigh.

Anyways, it meowed. Repeatedly. Often enough that I remembered it in the morning. I turned it off sometime during the night and thought that was the end of it.

The other night I noticed a dull light emanating from the toy bin. With a closer look, I realized that it was the telephone. One of the buttons was lit up. The one that has a picture of a baby on it. And the power was off.

And then it started meowing again. I ignored it. It happened with less frequency. I forgot.

And then last night it meowed again.

What the heck? I mean seriously!! I turned it off! It is off! OFF! Why is it still meowing!

Clearly it is possessed. It is some kind of Stephen King-cat possessed telephone. Our apartment complex must be built over a pet cemetary or something. (Thanks Shannon for your cat-possessed phone!)

And yet after a week and a half of this meowing telephone…. it is still in our bedroom. Too much work to move it.

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Filed under creepy, holy mother, tired, Uncategorized, what the?

Tech-spazz

Literally I just hauled my sorry ass out of bed to write this post. It won’t be long, or pretty, but for the love of God, it will get written.

I am technologically retarded. I swear this is true. I just spent at least an hour writing a awesome post, only to have it deleted through my poor wordpress navigating. Twice. So whatever essence was left in the 2nd post (or what I tried to resurrect) is now totally gone. It’s down to the bare bones.

I love my son more than anything in this world. Pretty much that sums up what I was trying to write about. All about how I can’t sleep until I check (for the billionth time) that he is breathing. Which he always is. Thank god.

I was so annoyed that I gave up and went to bed. And just as Chewie the Chihuahua curled up next to me, I said ‘Screw this.” , hopped out of bed and am currently writing this in the dark in my bedroom in my pj’s. Or what qualifies for pj’s in Florida when it’s like 80 degrees outside and you are sweating with the airconditioning on .

Annoyed with myself. Totally.

In love with V. Always.

Suddenly finding myself with a  craving for Brownies Chicken. WTF? Where on earth did that come from. See what my brain does while I type? No wonder I erased this twice already.

It still exists, right? Up north on Vancouver Island? I googled to no avail..chicken-blog

Back to bed and Chewie, who is waiting patiently for me…chicken-blog1

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Filed under annoying, chihuahua, V