Tag Archives: Toddlers

Sports and Art, Or how I am not a Soccer Mom

Yesterday heralded two big events in Vince’s young life. His very first soccer game and his very first exposure to ‘The Arts’. And for his pregnant Mummy? Perhaps one of the most exhausting days of my life. Including that time when I gave birth. This trumps that…

Soccer

Let’s start with what we’ve gotten ourselves into. Well, I guess the usual things that parents think when they sign their kids up for this kind of stuff. “Learning organized sports, interaction with other children, teamwork, exercise, etc” with the added bonus that we will meet some more parents in the neighbourhood (E and I are notoriously bad at that.), so total bonus.

The first practice was a wee bit of a disaster, but ended up ok. Second practice was this past Wednesday and was cut short by torrential downpour. Apparently it was more successful than the first one. Vince participated in group exercise and kicked the ball. Hurray! So based on this, I had high (perhaps too high) hopes for Saturday mornings first game.

And let me add it was everyone’s first game, all ten million different teams ranging from 3 to 16 years old. And their parents, chairs, coolers, dogs and siblings. It was like a circus. It was like being inducted into a whole new world. And Vince hated every single thing about it, including his new team shirt that we had to stuff him in while he flailed about and screamed that he wanted to go home. No going home for you, my dear!! We are going to force you to participate even if the coach has to carry you around!! Which she did!! You know, when she wasn’t forcing his leg to kick something with her hands.

At the 40 minute mark, he had kicked the ball twice and *gasp* ran unaided on the field. But stopped when he saw us watching. And then started crying again.

And then, thankfully, it was all over. And we went and got donuts. I am positive it will get better with time. It was overwhelming for me too, so I can just imagine what he thought.

The Arts

Post-donut and a clean change of clothes, Vince and I headed out on our adventure. On my numerous trips through Winter Park, I had noticed a very innocuous sign mentioning ‘museum’, once that was in such an odd place that it was easy to overlook. Especially if you drove past it 2 times a day on a really busy road.

So I checked it out online and  it sounded amazing. 3 acres of gardens full of sculptures, mostly those of the artist himself and some of other artists. On the edge of a lake, surrounded by old gorgeous houses.

OK, I thought, this might be the perfect place to take Vince. I’ve been wanting to start taking him places that were less ‘Disneyfied’ and more full of potential of even greater wonder and discovery. In a less commercial sort of way.

It was beautiful. We did not tour the historic home of the artist because I am not a crazy person. Vince only kind of destroyed one display in the gift shop, but in my defense it was left open and was full of little shiny trinkets.

“He didn’t touch anything, did he??”, asked the very earnest young woman manning the counter.

“No,” I immediately lied, “Just one of the display signs.” She doesn’t need to know that he squeezed that piece of jewelry, probably would give her a heart attack.

And then we hurried out of the gift shop and went into the gardens for a little wander. It was the type of place that had wild, lush gardens that immediately make you think you could do the same to your backyard with minimal effort. But in reality, it would take an army of gardeners. Statuary was perfectly placed amidst the green. The bamboo forest rustled invitingly. The lake gleamed where the garden ran into it. It was heavenly.

Vince tramped around with his stuffed Clifford dog, which added such a delightful element of whimsy to the whole scene that I laughed out-loud repeatedly…

We were only there for about 20 minutes, just about the right length of time for a three-year-old.

As we walked out to the parking lot, Vince announced “Mummy, that was a very nice walk.”

If you are living local and would like a very nice walk with your little ones, check out the Polasek Museum on Aloma (polasek.org). A truely lovely experience…

xoxo night night my lovlies

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Soccer and toddlers

So many things to tell, it’s hard to know where to begin.

To start, I got to see the baby this week. You know, the one in my tummy? That’s HUGE according to Vincent? Yes, that little baby.

Since I am the ripe and severe old age of 35 and am now termed ‘high risk’, there’s all sorts of fun things for me to do at the hospital testing-wise. This past week I had the Nuchal Translucency test, which is a screening for Down’s syndrome. This is pretty standard testing and so I might be on the slight dramatic edge with my ‘old age’ and ‘high risk’ comments. Just ignore me, you know it’s part of the territory (and if you didn’t, consider yourself informed).

I can attest to the fact that there is ONLY ONE BABY IN THERE. That’s for you cheeky few that keep mentioning twins. However, even at this young an age, Baby M is already a handful… Refusing to cooperate with the ultra-sound tech, Baby M twisted and turned and flip-flopped so much that afterwards the physician came in and had a quick chat with me. “Things look fine, from what we can see of them…” is not the most inspiring statement to hear from a doctor. Additional blood work was required to finalize the screen.

“Typical”, I muttered, rubbing my enormous(ly small) belly, “Still in utero and causing problems already. Clear indicators that you are a ‘Melvin’.

So that was Monday. And from there, the week took a bit of a dive. Despite being in 2nd trimester, my body decided to have a flashback to when I was feeling like toilet bowl before and basically feel like shit again. Headaches, nausea etc etc etc… I won’t bore you with the details.

On the bright side, Vince started soccer this past week. There had been a bit of a lead up to this blessed event. Some conspiracy between a friend and I to have our boys on the same team. Much discussion of playing with Vince’s little friend. Much kicking of soccer balls in the park. We bought special soccer shorts and socks. And Vince was just thrilled with all of this…

He kicked the ball endlessly all summer. He stated repeatedly ” I play soccer with Nathan”. He loved the shorts and socks with shin guards. And as we approached the field he started hanging back. And then resisting. And then crying “I don’t want to go. I DON”T WANT TO!!”

The coaches were very patient and one of them pretty much carried him around the whole practice while Vince ignored his friend’s requests for high-fives and pretty much ignored everything everyone said to him at all. I was honestly wondering if this was a good plan, figuring it didn’t even matter since we’d just stick with it for the season when, as we were leaving, he announced “Mummy!!! I had fun!!!!!!”

Oh gosh, you did??! You could have fooled me! But good. Next practice is Wednesday and the first game is Saturday. I am pretty sure that next Saturday with be an awesome, awesome disorganized mess. And I am pretty excited about it.

Ok, I think that covers it…

xoxo a.m.

1 Comment

Filed under family, holy mother, parenting, patience, soccer, Toddlers

Avec holy terror

This past Tuesday morning brought a new skill of Vince’s to light. A previously unknown skill. A skill that was observed by the majority of the mothers and fathers going to and fro from his preschool parking lot.

We pulled in and parked. I swung around and opened his door, unbuckled him and he scrambled for the seat next to him and then crawled up on the trunk cover of my hatchback. And there he stayed, little giggle-snorts occasionally emerging from him. Threats were useless. Bribes were also completely useless.

Finally, I shut the door, left him there and walked over to the garbage can by the front door of the school, hoping perhaps that this would encourage him to MOVE HIS BUTT.

The only reaction I got was from another mom who walked closer to my car for a better look and then remarked “Well, that’s a new one.”

Oh, well I am SO glad that we were able to teach you something… And that was totally sincere. Honestly.

A few minutes later, he apparently got bored and we were able to got to school and I was able to go to work.

He attempted to do it again on Wednesday and Thursday. I managed to intercept and derail all plans for those 2 days.

Saturday he was angelic. All day. A perfect angel. I spoiled him rotten as a result with a popcorn/movie party on Mummy and Daddy’s big bed and we watched Rio. Ok, I lied. There was an incident or two. But compared to the day as a whole, angelic.

Today? I would consider his behavior The Opposite of yesterday. Mainly because he climbed up on the hatchback cover twice. And twice I had to wait him out. Yup, I just sit and ignore him and wait for him to stop. It may take some time, but the second he is down I let him know exactly what his punishment will be… (I took his stuffed Angry Bird away… I’m pretty sure he could have cared less).

The second time he did it (and might I add he learned how to lock his door from the inside too?) we hit the big time. Once I was done waiting him out, that is… Early bedtime was promised most fiercely. And then double promised later when Vince did a runner down the sidewalk and disappeared from view while we were walking the dog. And didn’t come back. Forcing me to run with bags of poo, no bra and barefoot down the sidewalk to frog-march him back to the house.

Vince can now say the following: “I no run away because da car can come and HIT me! And the Man can come and take me away. Right Mummy??”

Yes, that’s right. More or less. Or what ever I can come up with.

Oh well, c’est la vie avec toddler, no??

xoxo a.m.

20110828-090743.jpg

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

I’m a hormonal freak. Again. Still.

Cat in cage, not in bag. As previously explained.

So now that the cat is completely out of the bag, expect a surplus of pregnancy related posts… Mostly about how tired I am (which is a lot) and how I feel like I want to puke every morning (yay first trimester!) and how I am frighteningly hormonal.

And frankly, these hormones are a little scary. There might have been some out of control rage. I might have maybe stormed out of the house, slamming the door in my wake. Maybe.

And while trying to mentally remember my first pregnancy, I found that there are little to no memories remaining. Shock! Apparently, and for my own good, my mind has blocked out every unpleasant aspect of it. Was I this tired?? I don’t think so, but who knows? I could have been!

I do remember eating a lot of peanut butter and bacon sandwiches, uncontrollable urges for oranges and having a sore back. And then, magically I had a baby.

And most of the actual ‘giving birth’ parts are pretty vague too. Kind of like how your Mum might have glossed over that particular part when telling you as a child.

“And then you push and OUT pops the baby!”

Or kind of like I’ve had my memory wiped. I have to concentrate really hard to remember the specifics, but my mind kind of slips away from it. Deliberately distracted by anything else other than what it was aiming from.

Nature is helping me not get too freaked out about what we’ve gotten ourselves into…

And while Vince shrieks things like “I said get out of my room!!” and “Go away Mummy!”, I ponder the fun that baby #2 will bring. Vince thinks that the baby will be ready for playtime, as evident in this tasty piece of V-wisdom… “The baby’s gonna come and smash me on the head!!!” (and he sounded really excited about it).

In the mean time, I cannot wait until this awful exhaustion stops. It will stop right? Because it’s crippling me. And while we are at it, wouldn’t mind that nausea taking a hike too…

xoxo a.m.

 

Leave a comment

Filed under awesomeness, epic, family, parenting, pregnant

Smartass

"Mother, I would rather be playing Angry Birds".

So Vince has turned into a smartassed hellion…

You know, not suddenly, it’s been a gradual process since he hit 3 in June. But it’s here. It’s like the precursor to 13, and by that I mean ‘three’. It’s the toddler equivalent of the early teen stages.

Right now, everything has a smart answer. And of course I realize that he has no idea what he is really saying, but lord have mercy it’s making me crazy…

Case in point:

“No, I can’t take a bath, I’m too good”. “No, you can’t do that, you’re too little”. (said to me, if you were wondering). “No, I can’t eat that, I’m too dirty”.

“Maybe later, when I’m clean”. “Maybe later, when you’re taller”. “Maybe later, when I’m older”.

And finally…. “You can’t say no to me! You can only say no to strangers!!!”

That is currently my favorite. Today brought us this lovely conversation, which is in the running to become number one…

*while practicing our kicks for the first season of soccer*

Mummy: “Vince, did you know that your Tita is a really good soccer player?”

Vince: “No, Tita plays music and I don’t want to listen to it…”

I had to hold in the smirk for this one, it was just so blatantly grumpy and pouty. I think we were trying to leave the park when this witticism was uttered.

There has been increased demands and increased dislikes on everything and regarding everything. And if he is refused, he starts crying for the parent that is not there.

Vince: “Mummy, can I play Angry Birds on your phone?”

Mummy: “No, not right now”.

Vince *sobbing*: “I want my Daddy…. MY DADDY!!!!!”

Mummy: *eye roll*

I think I could go on and on, but do you really want to hear it? Because, most likely, it’s going on in your house too and you are as sick of it as I am. I am sure it will just morph into something more ridiculous in a month or so and I’ll complain about it too….

You know, the usual.

xoxo a.m.

 

1 Comment

Filed under parenting, Toddlers

Epiphany

A few days ago, I was driving  through the parking lot at Publix and I braked and waved a mum and her 2 kids across the traffic. Her hand lifted in a ‘thank you’ wave and then practically leapt down and latched on to her 4 year old’s hand. Her younger child had a pained look on her face and her little fingers twisted and turned and fought the grip her mum had on her.

I literally had an epiphany.

Oh my gosh. It’s not just me. My son is not the only child in the whole world that hates having his hand held. It is, in fact, all children everywhere in the whole entire.

Funnily enough, this was really a kind of shocking epiphany. I think as you are parenting, it is very hard to remember that what you are doing is what all parents are doing everywhere. Even though it very well may be the most frustrating thing ever, or the grossest thing ever. Or the sweetest thing ever. Whatever those things are, they are being repeated endlessly everywhere.

So two days of really awful diarrhea? Yup, that’s going on somewhere.

A 3 year old, running carelessly around the YMCA pool deck with his father shouting at him? Yup, that too.

Asking for a hug before bedtime and getting “No, maybe later Mummy” as a response. Most likely this is happening in every single home around the world simultaneously.

And just to complain for a second, I had to force a hug from my child tonight. First time. Every night I usually get joyous hugs and smooches, without  even asking for them.

Tonight, Edward picked up Vince, handed him to me and then placed his arms around my neck, mimicking a hug. Half a second later, V wiggled out of my arms and proclaimed it was Daddy’s night and essentially banished me to the living room.

Hm. It appears as if my years of overly loving on my son might be approaching their end.

Nothing like a little Angry Birds to relax...

But, at the same time, it really does help to have these epiphanies. Because honestly it is really easy to forget that you are not the only one going through all of this ridiculous, dramatic, wailing, flailing, smart-mouthed, talking back, pooping everywhere (or nowhere) life.

Everyone else is too. Don’t forget.

xoxo a.m.

Leave a comment

Filed under awesomeness, epic, epiphany, family, parenting, Uncategorized

Mostly about sweaters, not at all about christening…

Too many cool people to count...

 

This morning started off terribly relaxed. I am pleased to report that Vince ran himself so ragged with his cousins yesterday, that he crashed hard. And so did his parents.

Yesterday was Vincent and Chloe’s Christening party, which was held and organized by Chloe’s parent’s, Edward’s Aunt Christine and Uncle Lee at a really pretty little park on Long Island (I’d tell you where, but honestly, I’m not really sure where we were).

Christine pretty much broke her back organizing everything and it was amazing. Centerpieces, catered delicious food, party favours, childrens crafts etc etc. How she is not dead from exhaustion, I have no idea…

We arrived and helped (sort of) set up and for a while I wondered if as many people as I were told were coming. It was pretty quiet, Vince and his two little cousins ran around and scared the Canadian Geese that were chilling out. (Hey look!! My family showed up!) and it was a pretty low key event…

And then, what started off as a slow trickle became a deluge of Italians. Not that I’m complaining, I love them all.  Oh how I LOVE them. It just seemed that there were none and then suddenly there were 70. And all of them were saying one of the two following statements:

“Vincent is the most adorable thing I have ever seen. LOOK AT THOSE CURLS!!”

And

“When are you having another?” And when I paused to answer… (while holding a Bud Light Lime) “Are you pregnant RIGHT NOW?!?!”

I think I hit 10 before I lost count. I asked Edward this morning. His response?

“Are you two going to have another baby? Is Jaime pregnant RIGHT NOW?”

Oh my lord.

Let me just clear everything up.

Yes, we are planning on having another child. No, I am currently not pregnant. I will be sure to let you all know immediately as soon as I find out, right after I pee on the stick. Maybe even before I tell Edward. Possibly before my mother-in-law knows. Maybe I’ll tell everyone via blog, that way everyone will instantaneously know. Plus, it will up my readership. To include more members of my family. Ha!

So, to conclude. I heart my family. Yes, they are all crazy and obsessed with babies. We eat a lot together. In fact, that appears to be what we do best. Yes, we are trying to have another one. No, I am not pregnant.

I really hope that has cleared up any and all questions…Don’t hesitate to ask me anything else. I’m sure you won’t.

xoxo a.m.

Leave a comment

Filed under awesomeness, epic, family, New York, parenting

Revenge pee

Things to Google:

Revenge Pee

And, of course, it is my son that leads me to Google things like this. The majority of knowledge I have gained from my son in the last 3 years is urine and feces related. Google is my best friend. It has helped me learn  lots of things, most of which are regarding how to remove odors and stains from various fabric-type materials.

For the last 3 weeks or so, a particular pattern has been developing. One which has, honestly, been rather hard to figure out. Periodically V will just pee. A sort of no-warning situation. Often times it’s as a result of a stressful situation, or a situation he just doesn’t approve of. Or, mostly, something he disapproves of.

Or we’d fight, he’d cry and then pee on the floor. Through his shorts. Or, I’d say no, he’d cry and then pee on the floor. Sometimes he’d just run off to a corner of the livingroom, pretend to play with his toys and then announce “Mummy. I peed. Right der.”

*sigh*

But finally I made the connection. Revenge pee. Dude.

Telling one of my friends about my theory, she thought “Did you see if there is anything online? Probably there is a Mum that has dealt with it already…”

Well, I did learn a whole bunch of interesting stuff about people who take revenge on other people by peeing on their stuff. Animals too. Not peeing on animals, I mean. Just animals that revenge pee. That’s what you get when you Google ‘revenge pee’.

When, however, you Google ‘Children pee’ you get all sorts of shizzle. Info that, frankly, I have no interest in really reading as I am living the dream and am pretty sure that all Mum’s are doing the same things that I am. There honestly is not that many actual options.

Comfort (if it was indeed an accident) or reassure.

Obviously clean up is a MAJOR part of the operation.

As of yet, there is no punishment. It is so a total ‘f-you Mummy, let me have my own way!!’ that I pretty much cannot have any real reaction. Maybe an eyebrow raise. Oh, and a Mummy-face. One that I am still perfecting as it has a 50-50 response rate.

Today was a good day though. No revenge peeing. Plus V actively asking to use the potty. AND he pooped. TWICE. ON the potty.

Despite my total exhaustion and low levels of everything (Family health issues that I will not be discussing, except to say that there are some. They make me sad. And I am trying very hard to be adult about them), V filled that potty the m-f-ing up.

Which, I admit, in hind-sight type-wise sounds a little gross, but for real. We were super high-fiving each other and I did not have to clean up any poo from any non-toilet surface today.

Now I have totally lost my train of thought. Pretty sure it’s about pee. Probably poo too. It is my life, after all.

Anyways, any tips on surviving revenge peeing?

xoxo a.m.

Leave a comment

Filed under accident, epic, holy mother, Mad skills, parenting, pee, potty training, Revenge pee, Toddlers, Uncategorized

Lies you tell your children (and other things I regret)

Lying to your kids.  For  ladies and gentlemen of my generation? Well, it’s a new thing.

For our parents? They are seriously thinking “Oh darn, they’ve finally figured it out.” And they mean us. If you just started lying to your own kids, this means you just figured out that your own parents lied to you.

Case in point: a few months ago, Vince and Edward were playing with the light switch in V’s bedroom. Flicking in on. And off. And on. And off. Andonandoffandonandoffandonandoffandonandoffandoff.

“Guys!! Don’t do that! You’ll start a fire!” I shouted dramatically. Which is, apparently, the only way I know how to shout. Unless it’s at work. Then I shout calmly. With dramatic license. Maybe that’s the same thing…

Edward looked at me. With humour. “It’ll start a what? What will it start Jame?”

“A fire. It’ll start a… hmmm… fire. Ya.”

“And who told you that?”

“My Mummy. My Mummy told me it would start a fire,” I said, petulantly, like a 3 year old. A three year old who knew they were wrong.

“Jame. Your Mum totally LIED to you,” Edward stated fake solemnly. Bastard. Seriously for years. YEARS. I thought that was the truth. It’s the little things, right? It was just a small lie, one that you’d forget about, one that would just become ingrained… (But regardless, I’ll still blame my husband)

And so, apparently, we all carry it on.

This past Christmas when we decided to take the tree down, we did it overnight. So when V woke up in the morning, it was gone. Coming downstairs, he was rather surprised.

“Mummy!! Where’d da tree go?!”

“Santa took it, back to the North Pole baby. Next year, he’ll bring it back.”

“Mummy? Where da weeth go?? And da lights?”

“Santa took the wreath and lights, baby. To the North Pole. But he’ll bring them back in December!”

“Oh, ok Mummy!”

And that has worked for several months….

This last week or so?

Whole buildings have disappeared. Random items from the house. Dirty underwear. Garbage. Chewies toys. Etc etc…

“Mummy!! Santa took it!! He took the building! And da fire truck! And da Christmas Dog movie!”

“No baby, no he didn’t” (Although, ‘Santa Paws’ can stay with Santa. I don’t want it back. Stupid movies about dogs with magical Christmas powers…)

Etc etc.

Santa apparently has taken everything or is about to take everything. Vince doesn’t say too much about him bringing those things back. I wasn’t trying to make him out to be a bad guy, just trying to find an explanation for why these things disappeared over night.

So it has now turned into a constant re-imagining of life. Because Santa can and, apparently, will, crop up and take things. He will TAKE IT ALL.

And NOT BRING IT BACK.

I can just see years worth of either therapy or lying ahead of me. Probably lying. Lots and lots of lying. Hopefully not therapy. Could be expensive…

xoxo a.m. (the big fat liar)

1 Comment

Filed under amusing, atlantic, awesomeness, epic, family, Mad skills, parenting, Uncategorized

Buddha

Every morning as V and I are driving to daycare, we pass a rather lovely Buddhist temple. And there is a huge sign at the entrance, one that always seems to be enticing me to just pull right in.

But, usually, it’s 7 am. And it’s closed.

And also, usually, my son is extremely sticky, which just doesn’t seem temple appropriate.

For the last few weeks, the sign has been advertising an upcoming festival and I felt that this was a sign (which it was) and also a ‘sign’. I should go! I should bring my three-year-old! Monks don’t mind kids, right? What could possibly go wrong!

Well, my memory for one. V and I showed up at the temple yesterday. And even though I saw the sign that said ‘Ceremony 5-15-2011’ and yesterday was clearly the 14th, I pulled my big girl pants up a little and drove in anyways.

I mean, so what, right? It’s open to the public. I can just go and check it out. Right? Jaw clenched, I drove into the parking lot and then for no reason at all, followed the car in front of me around the temple. All around the back, passed the pond, the basketball hoop and that random guy on his cell phone near what looked like monk quarters to me and parked. Right next to the car I was following.

He peered in my window as he walked past us. I pretended I was busy doing something and tried to avoid eye contact. I extracted V from the car, brushed him off in the parking lot and, holding hands, we bravely headed in.

I should note that I used to be extremely uncomfortable doing things like this. Edward used to joke that when we lived in Japan, he was surprised I went anywhere. But I am a big girl now, I can go where I want to. Really.

We were inside for about a minute. It smelled soothing. A lot of people were very, very busy doing things that looked rather important. On the other side of the main entrance, a hall extended filled with chairs ending with an enormous Buddha and a monk lovingly tending to the area surrounding him.

I know that sounds rather vague, but upon seeing Buddha, Vince promptly stated “I wanna go dere.” and attempted to drag me ‘dere’. So we left. Planning on coming back today

Which we did. All three of us. How lovely! It was a lovely morning full of chanting and praying. We wandered aimlessly amongst the shaved ice, mochi and assorted religious paraphernalia. We did not buy raffle tickets. We listened to the monks and with every step, V tried to drag us into the temple.

We finally were dragged up to the front of the temple by V, where some interesting things were going on. Several people were very busy putting the finishing touches on the most gorgeous fresh flowers surrounding numerous little buddha statues, which were standing in a beautiful fountain. Ceremonial ladles were next to each one, for the ‘washing the buddha’ ceremony.

V and washed Buddha. First we washed him the wrong way. “Not on the head, just on the shoulders…” Glad that we watched some other people who didn’t know what they were doing wash Buddha the wrong way too. Yikes!

Anyways, we washed him together, thought thoughtful things about cleansing, peace and love. Slipped a donation in a red envelope and gave it to a lovely woman who told Vince he was the cutest Gator fan ever. Even though he was wearing a Giants jersey.

It was, honestly, a lovely way to start the day… pictures to follow once I find my card-reader.

xoxo to all my sweet, peaceful and thoughtful readers.

a.m.

20110515-100802.jpg

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized