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Alright, this title is deceptive. This post is not at all about wanking and also not even a little bit about penises.

In fact, it’s about my mother. Mostly.

Last month, the Canadian half of the family came down to visit for 3 weeks and man was I ever glad to see Mummy. It had been a year and I was really feeling it. We Skype and chat every week, but seeing her in the flesh, especially getting to see her hang out with the V-man, it is just awesome.

So during our 3 weeks together, at some point I guess the whole “I’ve got your nose’ routine came up. And oh man, did I ever have some crazy flash backs to childhood. Back to when I learned that same skill. I think it’s one of those things that just clings to the back of your mind, one of those always there type of memories. Like making s’mores, bonfires, beach adventures… just that kind of thing that you take for granted as a memory.

Damn you Mother!!

At first, Vince was rather astounded by this whole ‘got your nose’ type of thing. Like he wasn’t sure it really was ‘his’ nose. And then, somehow, he seemed certain.

It WAS his nose. And Nanna had it. And then, suddenly, I did. And then? DADDY HAD IT! Oh my god. That nose was getting passed around, and Vince couldn’t figure it out.

It was hysterical.

And then we sorta gave it a break for a few days. Which I guess must have been enough time for him to figure out how to ‘get’ someone’s nose. Because he proceeded to ‘get’ all of our noses.

However, interestingly enough, it was something that just kept developing.

First came the noises. A noise to remove the nose and one to put it back on.

Removal is “Wank”.

Replacement is “Sssssssss”.

All developed by Vince himself. And it makes me giggle every single time I hear it.

Today, while chatting with Mum on Skype, it took a whole new direction. One I was not expecting at all, but one that Vince reveled in.

He ‘wanked’ my nose (teehee), then said “I’ve got your nose Mummy!!!!”

And then?

Then, he ate it.

And told me “Mmmmm, Mummy it’s all gone! I ate it!!” And when I asked for it back? He licked his fingers and smeared them on my nose and then collapsed with giggles.

Nice. I just about peed my pants. So did Mum, who was watching on Skype. Where on earth did this come from?

I asked him where my nose was and he told me “It’s all gone, Mummy. It’s in der.” And pointed at his tummy.

I asked for my nose back again, this time receiving a bunch of wet fingers in my face and a “Sssssssssssss”. Brat.

This all degenerated into just pure chaos, while my mother looked on via Skype and laughed and laughed and laughed.

“I bet you are thinking this is some sort of divine retribution, right Mum? I am sure that I was nothing like this when I was young. Right? RIGHT?!”

“I know I was never a handful like this, right?”, I said while I wrestled with a pajama’d Vince, one who had just eaten my nose, one who had decided to ‘pinch’ me with his fingers and then pretend eat whatever it was he had pinched. One who had, without my knowledge, licked my whole entire shoulder so much that my bra strap was soaking wet and saliva was dripping down my arm.

Oh, and it was bed-time.

Nice. 1 minute after hanging up with Mum, Vince was passed out in bed, snoring away. Probably dreaming of noses.

Oh god, is he ever funny.

xoxo a.m. (who might also have your nose)


1 minute after hanging up on Skype with Mum, Vince was passed out. Such is the result of playing in a paddle pool for 2 hours.

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