Tag Archives: poo

Normal life

ikea-blog

A wee excerpt from my normal life…

Taking the elevator from the top floor in Ikea, down to the bottom with my cousin. Oh, how do we love Ikea. So many things to think and plan about, meatballs to eat, lighting fixtures to drool over. It is a beautiful place for the female members of my family.

Let’s backtrack a little…. rewind back to the food court on the top floor, about 10 minutes earlier… focus in on our lovely Ikea meal we were having. Well, that C and I were having, as V was clearly not interested in having any part of it. This was  illustrated by the carrots and cheese that he spat out. Spat out with force, I might add. He got some serious distance. Where did this random ‘skill’ come from? No idea…(signs are pointing towards his father though…)

So, as we fought with the meal tray, dropped carrots all over the place, spat out some meatball, smeared things all over our very small 18 month-sized shirt….all of this heavy action was followed by a stealth-poop.

And by stealth-poop, I mean that there were none of the usual warning signs. No grunting, no red face, no nuttin’……

Just an unfortunate smell…. one that crept up on me. It took C a while to notice… and that is because she does not have a poop-machine at home and so doesn’t recognize the early aromas-slash-signs….

But when it hit her…. oh man. It really hit her.

By then we were already on our way to the ‘family’ change-room.

But. It was locked. Damn it!! My son’s poop-bottom is more important than yours!

So I headed into the main washroom which thankfully had a changing-station.

Oh, that poor ladies-room. It was quickly defiled the instant that my son’s pants came off. That movement was punctuated by C’s exclamation of  ‘Motherf’er! Jame. That. Is. Awful.”

It might have been, but honestly, my nostrils are immune to stank like that. And my eyeballs don’t even notice anymore.

The other ladies that exited stalls and washed their hands smiled at my commentary regarding Little Man’s stinky pants. His very stinky pants. And how nice that the changing table was situated so that his dirty little bottom faced the mirrors and was reflected down the washroom.

As I wiped, cleaned, wiped and wiped some more, ladies filed in and out. There were giggles. Some of them might have come from my cousin.

As I reached into my diaper bag and pulled out a stank-diaper bag (you know, one of those ‘green’ bags that you stuff your stink into when you are out in public so the trash doesn’t stink awfully?) and got ready to deposit the ‘deposit’ into it, my cousin exclaimed at its cleverness. Really, it is very clever.

Such a nice way to tidy up after a stinky bum.

The lady washing her hands at the sink chimed in “I use plastic bags to clean up my cat’s litter box. They are so handy.”

C: “But I bet yours aren’t Arm and Hammer”.

Bathroom Lady: “No. You are right. I just use regular plastic bags”. *laugh*

Jaime: “My bags come with a handy container to hook on your hand-bag”.

C: “Quite handy when you are at Ikea”

BL: “I don’t bring my cats with me to Ikea”.

*Silence*

And then we left the bathroom and headed down to the ground floor…

Just another normal day….

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Shower

Me, earlier during my epic Monday shower....

Me, earlier during my epic Monday shower....

Its been a while since I posted about poop.

Happily , our household has been free of poop-related incidences. For a while there they were happening a little too frequently for my taste.

Don’t fret my dears…. I am here with a brand-new one for your reading pleasure!!

Mondays can be long days. This Monday felt extra long. Hectic work, plus M’s teacher ‘back-to-school’ week, plus a sudden disappearance of our regular daycare resulting in Pop-Pop and V spending a lot of time together. PLUS an earlier rising time, minus my glorious 8 weeks of sleeping in until 6:30 (practically unheard of!). Plus the fact that it is Monday.

This resulted in me feeling like I forgot to have a shower by the end of the day. Isn’t that just the worst feeling ever? The humidity doesn’t help either. So as I am driving the Expressway home I am contemplating a dilemma…shower or Gym, shower or Gym, steamy long hot shower with coconut body wash and clean hair or Gym.

The shower won. It was delicious…. out I came, clean hair, body delicately scented like coconut and so so so very clean.

That shower put me in the best mood. M and V came home from picking up dinner stuff and Little Man was scooped up into my arms, snuggled within an inch of his life and then fed some yummy dinner. Tonight’s meal: Oven Gold Boars Head turkey, Organic cheddar cheese, sauteed zucchini and mushrooms and sweet potato french fries. Fresh watermelon for dessert.

Post dinner, off we headed to the bedroom for a strip-down and a plunk in the tub. Who knew that my leisurely evening was about to come to an end!

I played games with V as I stripped him down to his diaper on the changing table. An aroma arose from the groinal region that immediately exited the room and headed for the kitchen to assault M’s nostrils. “Jame!! What’s that smell?!?! It’s awful!!” he shouted from the other room.

“M! V’s got a present for you!! But you have to come in here to get it!” I shouted back…. he did not fall for that old trick… neither would I.

I opened that diaper and encountered the foulest thing ever seen in a  diaper in the history of Mankind. Also the foulest smelling thing. Foul.

Not to V though!! He shrieked with delight and happily stuffed both hands down that diaper and went straight for the bits. Which were covered. That’s how awful this diaper was. It was a full-on “Strap your child to the changing table and use both hands” kind of clean up.

Oh. My. God. His hands were covered in poo and he was laughing hysterically. He was having the best time ever!! I, on the other hand, was freaking out. And screaming things like “NANANANANANANA! V!!!!!! Nonononono! Oh my god, oh god…. oh holy god….etc etc”.

M, was happily (pretend) oblivious in the kitchen. He states he heard nothing. Bastard.

Anyways, off we went at arms length to the tub. The one time I didn’t want to cradle that little bum while I walk him naked as a jaybird (him, not me) over to the tub and dunk him in. I did not want to touch that part of his body.

What follows was fastest bath in the history of the human race. It might have even been faster than the previous fastest bath (that one that followed the infamous ‘poop in tub’ incident).

Bedtime followed at an even faster pace!

xoxo a.m.

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Not Poop

baby1-blog

I am really going to make an effort to not talk about poop as often as I see seem to find myself doing it lately. There is at least one more story that I could add to the growing list of bowel-movement related posts. Since that was my topic of choice last night, I thought I would spare you the details and focus on something else…

V learned something new this evening! Well, it was the first time I have seen it, so it’s new to me. M will probably say that he’s been doing it for years (slight exaggeration)… but it was the first time I have actively seen him do it.

He has mastered the art of taking things out of other things and off of things as well. As in, out of the toy box and onto the floor. And out of the wagon and onto the floor. Oh, and off of the book shelf and onto the floor. Oh, I almost forgot, AND off of his highchair tray and onto the floor.

You see the pattern? The floor is heavily featured.

Tonight I watched him as he methodically put things into things. He has a little basketball-like net in his bath-tub and I watched him as he carefully filled it up with items. Then removed them and threw them on the floor (I mean tub). And then picked them up and put them in again. This went on and on for ages.

It was the most interesting thing to watch. And I really could just watch him play forever. It is captivating. He kept trying to stack round objects on top of each other and then would grunt with frustration when they fell off. Finally he caught on and stacked some flat things in there first, piled round things into the flat things and then topped them off with some more round things. Genius!!!!!

And then he pulled them all out and threw them into the tub.

And then repeated the whole process over again.

I actually could see him learning, it really was amazing. He problem-solved. Unbelievable. He repeated himself over and over (just like his Mama….I knew there was a little bit of me in there somewhere!)

Genius!

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Sunday

toobusy-blog

Another Sunday night poop story….. I know that you are very excited. I can feel it.

Poop is a ‘regular’ event over here. A fantastical event at least once a week that usually leads to extra cleaning on my part……

Today started with M offering to change a dirty diaper. What you say?? What kind of crazy thing is this?? What kind of parallel world are we living in? Men offering to change diapers without being provoked? Lord only knows what this is about, but I happily accept any and all offers…

So offer accepted, off they went to the changing table to sort things out.

We have to give V something to occupy himself while he is getting changed. Otherwise, he will flip himself over onto his tummy and smear poo everywhere. This we know from lots of experience… LOTS of experience.

Daddy handed V a book to look at while he unstrapped that nasty diaper.

Oh, that poor poor book….

That book was grabbed with such enthusiasm, waved all around and then suddenly (and without any warning) was abruptly shoved down the front of his diaper (suddenly and abruptly, in case you didn’t get that) A diaper that was quite well filled.

A surprised loud laugh is what brought me into the room. M turned to me, laughing, and handed me a book.

The book.

The book that was covered in poop.

‘Oh, thank you! My favorite thing!”

A book that I chose to not clean and, instead, deposit in the garbage.

The West Coast in me screaming out that I could have salvaged it instead of throwing it out. But, lets face it, it was not salvageable. There is no way that I would have been able to clean that book up and look at it other than the book that V poop-smeared.

I am sure that the smell would have clung. Or I would have imagined the smell clinging to it. And my fingers as I was holding it. And to V’s hands and face, as that’s where books usually go. I do not want to be the poop family. Really.

And so, it was hand-carried (finger-tips only) to the garbage and dutifully deposited into our trash.

Sorry book. I can no-longer accept you in our household once you have been smeared. Your memory as one of V’s first books will live on in our minds…..

You will forever be remembered as “The book covered in poop”. We will never forget you…. and neither will V’s future girlfriends…

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Discovery

discovery-blog

Things V can do:

If you ask him to clap his hands, he will happily oblige.

Shake his head no.

Point his pointer finger at airplanes.

Say “Daa-do!” excitedly when he sees the dog.

He used to just say “Uh!”, the first part of ‘uh-oh’, but has since progressed ahead to the complete phrase, which he say repeatedly to our great excitement.

This evening while I was at the In-laws picking him up, we were getting ready to leave when we all started to say goodbye. “Bye, bye Vincent! Bye-bye!” and to our great delight he said “Bye-bye!” right back at me. And just to make sure that it wasn’t just some random baby-babble (which I equally enjoy), we asked him again.

“Bye-bye Vincent!”

“Bye-bye!”

You wouldn’t have believed the amount of smiling and clapping that went on afterwards. We were all lit up with the biggest grins.

As the Summer of Dad begins to wind down, I can’t even believe how much V has changed in the last few months. I say months, but really I think its been about 6 weeks or so. I am good at exaggerating. M can tell you that for sure.

It seems like he has turned into a opinionated person in the last few weeks. There is a lot of head shaking, shrieking and throwing of things happening over in this apartment.

Oh good lord I wouldn’t have it any other way though. Sometimes I try to imagine what life would be like without him…. and I can’t. Well, I can, but it seems such a dull and colourless existence that it is a complete waste of time for my imagination. Why even bother attempting? Might as well just enjoy the moment(s) and path that my life is on…. every second of every day just gets more and more interesting.

Parenthood is kinda like being Indiana Jones. Really! Ah, the joys of discovery that lies around every corner these days. And I mean actual corners. As in I walked in the house this afternoon and rounded the corner with V on my hip, I encountered a lovely pile of dog-poop. Thanks Chewie! I love discovering poop. It is my favorite.

There is a lot of discovery involved. I have discovered that V doesn’t like brussel sprouts (M chimes in ‘Of course he doesn’t! He isn’t crazy!’ whatever…. they are delicious). I have discovered that at every opportunity, those little hands will do down those pants…. usually right after I have removed a wet diaper. I have discovered that grapes will fit up his nose (actually M discovered that one. And really, V was the one that discovered that first). I discovered that our dog will really eat anything. And even if he doesn’t want to, he will carry it around the house and hide it…. which is why I find gluten-free waffles, corn-muffins and cheese biscuits everywhere, tucked away in corners of our apartment.

Hence, this is why discovery is Parenthood’s Indiana Jones-like theme. The joys of finding things in ears (blood) and noses (grapes). And of course in diapers (hands and poop). And also around every hour of the day…. cognitive skills are a fast paced thing, I can barely keep up with it all.

Why am I still awake again?

xoxo a.m.

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Wet

wet-blog

Things to not do.

Do not, in your new motherhood-cockiness, undress your 13 month-old in his crib and let him play naked for a few minutes while the tub is filling.

It will lead to disaster, believe me.

I know you know where this is leading, so I won’t bore you with too many details.

V is always ecstatic to be naked. He likes to roll around his crib naked, lolling around on his back with his legs up in the air….. giggling the whole time. Inevitably those chubby little fingers find their way down to ‘the bits’. More giggling ensues… followed by a lot of stretching, pulling and tugging. And giggling

So I left him to his playing and giggling and went to go and check the tub. When I came back, he was standing up, one hand on the (gnawed within an inch of it’s life) crib rail and another clutched around his best friends. With a pleased and relaxed look on his face.

I had a sneaking suspicion as to what had happen. A suspicion that was quickly confirmed as my fingers encountered a warm puddle in the sheets.

*Sigh*

Never a dull moment over here!

M took V swiftly out of the crib and ran him over to the filled tub….. and as he ran, he turned and shouted over his shoulder “I can’t believe you thought that would be a good idea! Jame….. seriously. Changing table equals water-proof…”.

What was I thinking? I guess I was thinking that we hadn’t had any accidents yet, so I thought things were under control. Silly me.

I think at least one of these instances has to happen every week, otherwise M and I will grow too complacent. However, to be honest, they rarely seem to happen to him. Just me.

My life will be filled with pee and poop for the next several years. Eventually I will tire of posting….. not yet….but sometime soon.

It is still rather funny to me…

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Shinchan

pee-blog

Post-work, my evening started with a really nice meal with my in-laws…. I felt so spoiled. My mother-in-law chopped yummy things up for V, dumped it on his high chair tray and the whole time I drank a glass of wine. Bliss. Spoiled bliss.

Home for a bath before bedtime….

Bath-time goes like this:

1) Deposit small child in crib (scream scream scream), go to bathroom across the hall and start bath

2) Make faces across the hall at little man while tub fills (V jumps endlessly and shrieks happily in crib)

3) Lay towel across toilet seat, strip V naked (watch him giggle and roll around in his crib as apparently naked is the best thing ever)

4) Carry naked baby to bathroom, play peek-a-boo in mirror, deposit baby in tub. Commence play-time.

Usually after 10 or 15 minutes, bath-time is over, we hit the towel and head back to the changing table for diaper, pj’s and story-time.

Tonight, tub-time was funnier than it usually is…. V only wanted to stand. I’ve gotten used to this, and deal with it. I would prefer him to sit nicely, but who are we kidding over here. He is just too active for sitting nicely. Please pray that M and I have a daughter that will sit and play. Nicely.

So standing in the tub, he reachs towards the washcloth that I have draped over the faucet-guard (that is a duck in a firefighters costume). He rips the cloth off, shrieks ‘Daa!!!’, which I think means ‘duck’ and throws the cloth in the tub. He stares down at it, picks it up (it is sopping wet now) and puts it back on the ducks head. Water goes everywhere….. Me, floor, dog, pants, hair, face…..everywhere…

He then rips the wash cloth back off and deposits it back in the tub (of course shrieking ‘Daa!’ while he is doing this). He looks at it again, quite intently this time, then (as he is my son) he pees on it. For a long time. Kind of a ‘I saved this up especially for the moment when you removed my diaper’ kind of thing.

THEN, he reaches down, grabs the cloth (which is sopping wet with pee and water) and flings it upward. Urine flies everywhere. Across my face, down my front, dripping over my lips. I realize that it was mixed with water, but I did just watch him pee on that cloth and then fling it into my face…. I must really love my son.

Now, granted this was no triple-poop morning ala my friend with her darling girl….. but… urine in the mouth. Maybe that trumps a triple-poop? Pee all over the face, in the mouth and down the front of my whole body. And V looking rather pleased with himself.

Of course he did! He is his fathers son after all….

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Floater

bathtub-blog

**Warning** **Warning**

This post contains explicit details, mostly focused around baby poop. And if that ain’t your cup of tea, then turn back now brothers and sisters….

Flashback to earlier today….. busy day. Not only did we go to the community-wide garage sale with my mother-in-law, but as soon as we were done there, V and I hit the road again. Up to Winter Garden to celebrate my best friend’s daughter’s 5th birthday.

It was a birthday extravaganza! And V’s first party as well. Pizza, cake, friends, balloons, sandboxes, swings….. it was so much fun. Little man out in the sunshine, flirting with the ladies (as he has been known to do).

Let me add that there were no naps taken at all today. A little foreshadowing for y’all….

Anyways, post-party we arrive home in a jolly mood. Which is surprising. Regardless……dinner, dessert and bath prep (to remove the sunscreen and sand). Pre-bath and post-dinner there was rather a lot of grunting which only means one thing. And you know what I mean. And if you don’t, it means poop.

Post poop and naked, I swept him off to the bathroom for some fun in the tub.

He loves his baths. LOVES! His baths. He was splashing happily away… and in the middle of that splashing started grunting again. (good lord, was all I could mentally say…)

I just looked at him in disbelief. Really, I was thinking that it couldn’t possibly be what I was thinking. We were having a bath, after all…

Well, shortly after…. and I do mean shortly, I discovered the reason for the grunting. And that would be poop. Poop floating in my tub.

My reaction? Instant laughter. V makes me laugh so much. Well, I guess motherhood really does…. anyways, I must have laughed so much that it upset V! He started crying! Crying in a tub full of poop. Which made me laugh more. See the vicious cycle??

So I picked him up out of the tub (oh, and I was home alone….. this always happens when I am home alone) and rushed him off to his crib. Naked. Naked and crying. Awesome.

Off I went to fish out the poop and sanitize the tub. How fun (I like sarcasm in case you didn’t know). So I fished and cleaned the tub out. Meanwhile, back in the crib, V was jumping away having the time of his life. Why did I feel like the bath was unfinished business?

And back to the tub we went…….

As soon as we entered the bathroom, he started wailing and that should have been a sign.  I was determined to give him a complete bath, apparently….

As soon as I plunked him back in the tub, he started wailing more. And as soon as he started fussing,  poop started floating again. Oh lord when would it ever end!

Apparently never. There was a poop reservoir which I found out about with the 2nd bath. Unexpected. It was a quick bath (a whole 10 seconds). Poop floated. V went back into the crib (happily I might add).

And the evening quickly drew to a close.

I fished poop out of the tub times 2. I sanitized the tub times 2. I made my child cry times 2. Oh, and I clogged the toilet up with the floating poo when I tried to flush it the first time. Awesome. Clogged toilet. Floating poops. Crying.

Wonderful.

And on top of all of this, I forgot to pay rent. It’s like a double bonus!

I just thought I would share my most wonderful afternoon/evening with y’all…. night!

DON’T click here, you will learn too much about poo  (I googled floater and this is what came up)

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