Tag Archives: monkey

Monkeys equal terror. Apparently.

Vincent was not impressed when Mummy brought the monkeys home...

This Monday past was the first day of school for our area in the States. It always strikes me as funny to see the kiddos head back in the middle of summer, while the majority of North America waits a few more weeks. Oh Florida, you make me shake my head sometimes…

So with much pomp and circumstance, Vince headed back to daycare on Monday. His daycare is really more like a pre-school. It’s uniformed, arranged in classrooms and there’s a curriculum, so it really feels more like dropping him off at kindergarten than anything else.

He got a new blanket for his cot and today he told me it was ‘super snuggley’. We picked out some new socks, underwear and shorts. We bought school supplies. He got a new ‘dragon’ and a new puzzle as back-to-school presents. And I took him to Downtown Disney as a treat this past weekend.

Downtown Disney is kind of a Disney-lite shopping experience, where you can buy merchandise and various shops, wander around, eat, watch a movie, maybe go to Cirque du Soliel… I can pass it off as going to Disney, if I hype it just right.

So we cruised around (and might I add it was hot as balls?? It was.), checked out some toys in the shops and pondered where to eat… There are 2 big restaurants aimed at kids. The Rainforest Cafe and the T-Rex Cafe. I don’t think I need to elaborate on them much, names should be explanatory enough, no?

Anyways, the Rainforest Cafe had no lineup so that really helped make my decision. And so in we went and were directed to a table maybe about 15 feet away from some animatronic gorillas. Vince paid no attention to them at all, mainly because A) they weren’t moving and B) he was playing Angry Birds on my phone. Our drink order went in and a few minutes later the gorillas started moving (which apparently they do in 10 minute cycles).

It was kind of cute, I thought anyways. Vince looked at them, did a double take and SCREAMED.

And while screaming “I no like dis, I no like this!!” at the top of his lungs, clawed his way OVER the table to my arms and buried his face in my neck screaming and shaking.

Oh wow. Wasn’t expecting this at all. Apparently neither were all of the families dining around us. There was a lot of pursed lip headshakes and whispers. I mentally gave them the finger since my arms and hands were busy soothing V-man.

So we left. I carried him out of the restaurant, we walked about 100 feet away and he was fine. We bought a pretzel and a lemonade. Vince told me “I no like does monkeys, dey were a wittle scawee”. Oh bless him…

Monday morning and the first day of school rolled around and we got ready to pick out our underwear for the day. I opened the drawer and reached in when suddenly: “MUMMY!! I no like dees. I NO LIKE DEES!” Vince loudly proclaimed as his little finger clutched a pair of monkey underwear. “Here Mummy, der for you”.

“Oh, shall I take these away?”, I said solemnly.

“Yes”, he replied equally solemnly.

Oh lord, did I scar my child for life? And then I followed that up by literally scarring myself with another trip to the dermatologist on Monday afternoon…. which is another story altogether.

xoxo a.m.

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Wallet and watch

I am sure this is EXACTLY what V's baptism will look like... Right?

Thursday night this past week was a big, exciting evening for us. Not only was it almost the end of a rather exhausting week, but Edward and I attended baptism class at a local church.

By local church, what I really mean is splendid cathedral in the heart of downtown Orlando. We went to St James Cathedral, thinking (correctly as it turned out) that this would be the best place in the city to take a class like this.

Let me just say that I haven’t been to church in years. And the last time I did might have been a Christmas mass with my Mum and Granny. Edward hasn’t been in years either. But Vince attends a Christian based daycare and we feel it’s an important thing to do. Also, I am not Catholic. Edward is. As is his whole family.

So, this whole Catholic baptism? Well I was a little… nervous. I guess that is the best way to describe it. The Cathedral was enormous. We had no idea what we were doing. We parked somewhere that we were not sure if we should be parking. It was on church grounds, it looked like you could park there. Well, it didn’t specifically say ‘don’t park here’. So we parked. Hoping maybe that that homeless guy would guard our car…

We wandered in through the main entrance. There was nobody there. Peering in through the glass that separated us from the main church, someone gestured at us wildly. After a lot of “Who me? Or him? Us? You mean us?” gesturing, we walked down the aisle towards the front of the church and encountered a rather cheerful person, who asked us if we were here for the ‘adoration’.

“No, we are looking for the baptism class…”

“OH!! OK!! Just go…..” and she gave us very explicit directions which I believe we both promptly forgot after following just one part.

Because, as we followed her pointing finger through a door and into a courtyard, we encountered about 150 people. They looked tremendously cheerful too. One of them asked us if we were here for the ‘adoration’ too.

“Um, no. The baptism class.”

We were directed to a little old lady in a very secure room on the other side of the courtyard. She buzzed us through to a secure area and instructed us to take the elevator to the basement.

The basement was pitch black.

For about 10 seconds I serious thought I was in a horror movie. And then? I turned my head to the right and saw a room with some people and then thought “Great. We’re late.”

But, great! We weren’t!

In fact, it all went smoothly and the Deacon promised we would be done an hour earlier than the class was scheduled for. That was Deacon David. The nicest person ever. I honestly wanted him to be my neighbour/best friend/family member. He was one heck of a guy.

And so we learned. And prayed. And talked awkwardly about ourselves. And smelled Holy oils. And I learned a very interesting thing.

Even though Edward hasn’t been to church in five million years, he can still spot on cross himself at the beginning of a prayer just like he never stopped attending. I wish he’d warned me. I just felt confused while that was going on… and then kind of embarrassed.

And as we were leaving he yelled at me for stepping on the grass. And then apologized, stating it was just reflex. Made me laugh.

Made me love him more. Even though he is the hugest pain in my ass. I just might love him a bit more now….

xoxoxo a.m. (spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch)


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V and I went to the Hospital yesterday.

As I learned, it is certainly a nice thing to know a little about where you are going. So, for example, you don’t park on the opposite side of the building and then have to trot in heels carrying a 32 pound child on your hip(s).

Unfortunately, I didn’t. And so I used “Hi!! I’m not sure if I need to be here or somewhere else! Can’t you help me?”repeatedly plus a cheerful tone of voice. This got me up to the 3rd floor and then down to the first and then, happily, to the exact opposite of where my car was (building-wise).

20 minutes late I arrived at admissions. As I plunked V down on the admissions counter, that plunk issued a rather strong odor that mushroom-clouded around my face and that of the girl inputting our info. I think she typed a little faster. The stink got stronger, the typing got faster.

Oh my little stinker… Although I was concerned about being late for the x-ray, I NEEDED to change that bum. And while we were getting changed, we met a crazy lady.

“Oh baby oh baby oh baby, good baby boy good. If you are good Mummy will give you candy! Yes, you will get candy! I will give you candy!!” she cried as she walked past us on her way to a bathroom stall. Who was she? Um, I didn’t know. But at the thought of her offering V candy, I did the quickest change ever, super washed my hands and did a runner.


Ok. X-ray. Here we come. And there we stayed. In the waiting room. Forever. The odor of poo followed us in there. And why did it follow us? Well, that’s because there was more poo. Of course there was. And of course it was the last diaper. (“The last diaper? How is that even possible?” M asked me later. He got a total huge side-eye for that one) And of course we went right from the bathroom directly to a small enclosed waiting room. And, well, you know… That is just my life.

One lead vest later, we attempted the test. V was not cooperative. I don’t blame him. I wouldn’t be either. The first shot was ok. A standing profile. There we were, facing each other, trying to let the tech get a side shot. I knelt down to a bit more to be on his level and well, darn it, he knelt down too. So cute!! It wasn’t quite what was needed to get the shot, but it sure made me laugh…

I didn’t know they needed to do 2 shots but apparently it’s a requirement. The second shot was a horizontal shot. I had to lower him onto a table, hold his head still and with the other arm, pin his arms down while the tech held his legs. He was so scared he couldn’t even move. He just cried and lay still while Mummy whispered ‘brave boy’ over and over again. Ick.

But before all of this?

While we were waiting, V got a little restless. And by little, I mean a lot. We took a walk and encountered the ‘Disney Pavilion’ at the hospital. It was a whole interactive jungle themed corner, with characters from The Jungle Book and Finding Nemo. Quite cute actually, but something about it hit V the wrong way. And then he saw a monkey and it terrified him.

“No monkey no monkey no monkey no monkey,” he whimpered. This was quickly followed by “No fish no fish no fish no fish” when we left the pavilion and walked past an aquarium. Huh.

No fish and no monkey followed us all the way through both waiting rooms, the scan room, the actual scan, back up to the 3rd floor, down to the 1st and through the parking garage, all the way home in the rain and into the house.

“Daddy!! No fish!!!!!!! Noooooooo monkey,” he shouted on our arrival home.

And this morning when he woke up?

“Mummy!! Mummmmmmmmmy! No fish. No. No fish. No monkey. Monkey? NO monkey.”

Isn’t it funny how it is the little things that affect the most? It’s the fish and the monkeys and the butterflies (right Tara?). And so I wonder today as I listened to him talk about monkeys and fish, will these things be a permanent scar? Did I just accidently scar my child for life? Were those fish and that monkey so scary, plus the X-ray, that those three things are now permanently burned together and will always be associated?

Lord, I hope not! No more trips to the zoo for us.

On the plus side of things, the x-ray showed that his adenoids are not enlarged. They are normal. It did, however, show 4 molars. 4 new molars that haven’t shown up ye., 4 molars that are, apparently, about about to totally erupt through his jaw at any moment.

Sweet!!!!!!! Awesome!!!!!!! Dude!!! (3 words of V’s that seem appropriate)

For real, I know you are so jealous. Right?

xoxo a.m.


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