Tag Archives: I sleep alone


Update: Currently the only potty training going on over here is the fact that V and his ‘big boy pants’ are bff’s. Hallelujah! Minor win for Mummy!

As I listen to V cry off and on this evening, I realize we are in a huge pickle.

And well, since I am a huge sucker and he is now snoozing next to me on the sofa downstairs, I would say we have some issues. And they are all sleep related. And I have no idea what to do about it.

We have had so many amazing plans. They have all failed. And in fact? Things have gotten worse.

And worse at a steady rate. And I am sharing my parenting fail with you why? Because I love sharing.

Somehow the ‘I sleep in my own bed by myself’ apparently got old and tired for someone. He has retaliated by waking up in the middle, crying and working himself up into such a state that he has actually thrown up a little. And we have responded by giving in and letting him sleep with us.

And literally the minute we offer this as an option, all fussing stops. Instantly. And during the middle of the night, when one is half asleep, this does seem like a good idea.

And I guess this has developed into an unfortunate pattern and it took us a while to really realize that it was a pattern. And trying to correct the issue is a bitch.

We’ve been trying for about a week now and not much has changed. The only positive step is that I am now ‘allowed’ to sit in the chair in his room, instead of lying next to him in his bed.

And this is a huge step. And I bring my book and read until he is asleep. But this too is slowly failing as V stays awake later and later, and the light in his room grows dimmer and dimmer and I grow sleepier and sleepier. And I struggle to read in the dim light, gradually give up and then sit half asleep in the chair in the corner of the room. And then as I grow sleepier, I crawl into bed with him to the sounds of “Mummy too, Mummy too…”.


2 weeks ago, we had a particularly bad weekend. It literally was a no-sleep night every single night. By the end of the 4th of July long weekend, I was happy to go back to work as that would bring some sort of routine back to V’s life. Plus I got to sleep until 6 am and that was a total luxurious snooze compared to the 3 days previous.

Last weekend, we were at a Disney Resort. V and I slept together for 2 nights and it was the best sleep I have ever had in my whole life. V and I woke up those 2 mornings all snuggled up, our hair all entangled. I couldn’t remember the last time I had slept that well. It made me sad when we checked out and headed home. I knew that my Sunday night sleep was not going to be as great as that Saturday night.

This last week, we have tried to keep him in his bed. So when he woke up every night this week screaming for us to the point of almost puking? M went and got him and slept on his bedroom floor. This worked really well for several night except M now has a sore back, V is still crying every night and then there was that one night when we didn’t hear him we were so tired. I woke up at 6 am with a Little man next to me.

It was the best night of sleep I have had all week.

So we are now thinking about things like:

A) Is it so bad that he sleeps with us from time to time?

B) If we keep letting it happen, will we be totally screwed?

C) Will this mean we will never sleep alone until V is 10?

D) Can we somehow make it work for only the weekends?

I feel like I am slowly reaching the realm of ‘I don’t care’. And the other realm of ‘Why am I fighting this?’.

Is it ok to give in? Will you judge me if V sleeps with us as he so clearly wants to? Is he having night-terrors? Is he scared of the dark? If I put another night-light in his room, will he climb up his dresser and play with it? Like he did this morning when M found him standing on his changing table?

Will I find him crushed by furniture in the morning? Do I even dare take that route?

There are a lot of ‘ifs’ and ‘will I’ and ‘Is he’ thoughts circling my head.

The path we are contemplating is tricky. The road uneven. The distance? Unknown.

M and I are about to take a journey. Maybe.

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