Tag Archives: epic fail

Craft fail spectacular

Craft fail. That pretty much sums up my creative attempts Sunday…

I haven’t gotten my craft on in quite a while. It’s possible it might actually have been years since I crafted. What a horrible admission! Whats wrong with me? What have I been doing for the past few years?

Oh right. Playing playdough. Endlessly. (Can’t stand it either.) Mixing the colours literally makes me shudder. I honestly feel that you should play with each colour separately. And don’t ever combine them! Oh the horrors! Or at least combine them in a manner that allows them to be easily separated from one another, so you can put each one cleanly back in its container unsoiled.

God I’m a freak.

Anyways… Saturday night and Sunday morning I spent shaving crayons. ‘We’ were going to make crayon hearts and if you click the link on Saturdays blog from Martha Stewart, gosh do hers ever look pretty! The wax smelled lovely, like kindergarten. I had so much fun picking out various pinks and reds and purples and the shaved wax looked so pretty mixed together…

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I had this lovely container pretty full and then I went and got a pedicure. And then Vince went over to his Grandparents house for a visit. Alone. And Edward and I were home. ALONE. And I did laundry. Party.

And since Vince wasn’t around, I thought to myself ‘Perhaps I should do the ironing part, since a 3 1/2 year old really doesn’t need to be that close to a hot iron’. This was a really clever plan. And so I did and gosh it looked nice. The colours started to meld together just a little and it looked like stained glass. And I had a kindergarten flash-back, which sort of made for a lovely experience.

And then it melted a little more. And then I looked at it a little strangely, for it appeared to be taking on another form entirely. One that was not in any way related to Valentines Day, but perhaps a little more at home in a hospital. Or a morgue. In the middle of an autopsy perhaps. Or maybe a biopsy?

 

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Hmm, that looks sort of like a lung. Don’t worry, I cut out little hearts from it anyways and tied them up with red ribbon (’cause I’m fancy like that). And hung them up by my front door.

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Edward took one look at it and said something like “What the hell are those?!” And one of my friends almost snorted soda out of her nose when I flashed her a photo of my clever creation.

So clearly I need to get my mojo back. This was a craft fail on a HUGE scale. Although I guess if you wanted to put a positive spin on it, at least the hearts are cut out of material that genuinely looks like it is actually from a heart.

Don’t worry fret my pets… I’m sure I’ll find something else to make a mess of this coming weekend. I’ll be sure to actively include my child in craft creation this time, instead of hogging it all to myself…

xoxo a.m.

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I can roar like a dragon

I think this is what my face looked like this morning...

Or so I found out this morning on my way to my in-laws house. We headed over there for some swimming and there was a rumor floating around that they would babysit while Edward and I went to the movies.

E headed off first, we followed a few minutes later.

I threw in a cd, some nice chill Sarah Harmer (that’s ‘hippy crap’ to you Fran) and it all went down hill from there.

My son disapproved of my music choice

“I no like this, I want the Danger Danger song. Mummy! I want my song! I no like this, I don’t want to listen to it. I want MY MUSIC! TURN IT OFF MUMMY!” etc etc etc

And this was combined with tears, flailing and the whiniest voice you have ever heard. IN YOUR LIFE. Unless you too have a three-year old, then you know exactly what I am talking about.

I, apparently, I left my patience on the couch. And also, one can only listen to ‘Danger Danger, High Voltage by Electric Six’ so many times before losing your damn mind.

This roar erupted out of me that actually was rather frightening. Vince must have agreed because he paused in mid-whine and burst into actual real tears, as opposed to the fake ones previous. Ugh.  I hate it when things like this happen, but sometimes they just do.

3 seconds later, we both moved on. I calmed down, V stopped crying and we hit the expressway to Sassy and Pop-Pop’s.

Once we arrived, I told V it was time to go to the bathroom.

“No, I just did it already.” Oh really. Reeeaaaallllyyy. And nope, you didn’t. Well, you did, but it was 4 hours ago. You are not a camel. So off we went to the potty amid many protestations of “I did it already” and “I don’t have to”.

I shut the door and locked it. Edwards parents weren’t home yet, but I had to go too and I always lock the door. Mistake number one, clearly.

“You don’t lock da door! YOU DON”T LOCK IT!!”

(I’m sitting on the potty)

“I don’t want to go potty!!!!!!! I don’t have to!!!!

(The door is unlocked. Did I mention I was sitting on the potty?)

“I DON”T WANT TO!!!!”

And then he opened the door. I roared just one word “OUT” and he ran.

Edward, from the other room, “Jame? What on earth is going on in there?”

*sigh* Mummy is losing her damn mind.

And then 3 seconds later, Vince announced “I wanna go potty with Daddy”. And off they went, to the potty on the other side of the house. And they returned successful, V proclaiming “Mummy! I did a super monster pee!”

And then V happily went off with his Grandparents and Edward and I went and saw Captain America.

There is, it seems, an awful lot of arguing going on in our house. Vince disapproves of pretty much everything we do and breaks out his multiple not-so-secret weapons of whining, tears and full on fits. I am clearly learning how to handle this. And it seems that I am mostly handling it badly.

Vince has been three for 6 weeks. Geez-us is this way worse than  2.

I’ll get the hang of it eventually, probably when he turns 4…

xoxo a.m.

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