Scars, complaints and some mild drama…

So earlier this week I had my final ‘spot’ sliced off at the dermatologist.

HALLELUJAH.

I’m so tired of going there that I am not capable of adding an exclamation mark to the previous ‘exclamation’. It’s just a loud statement. Said in a bored sort of voice, because I am so over being sliced that it’s not even funny.

The nurse removed the stitches from the ‘spot’ on my chest, which has healed up quite good. The spot on my thigh looks like someone bingo-stamped with magenta ink. Oh and put a big icky scab in the middle. Real attractive. The last area is on the side of my upper right arm. Another three stitches, frankly this one looks a little rougher. And hairier. Stitch thread sticking up and a bald spot in the shape of a band-aid in the surrounding area are competing to add extra glamour to my day-to-day look.

One more week and I head back to have the stitches removed. Since it’s such a quick procedure, I’ve elected to take V with me. Hysterical, right? I think so.

All of these spots plus the fun that I am experiencing during early pregnancy have combined to make me feel just kind of gross. Despite being in my second trimester (albeit just barely), this ‘surge’ of energy so far is manifesting itself  as more of a ‘drain’. Liars!

Craving are up and running full speed though. Nausea and what I honestly describe as a ‘general malaise’ are in the running with my energy ‘surge’ for number one. And gosh do I ever like saying ‘general malaise’.

Oh and I feel like I’m 5 months pregnant. Thanks muscles for relaxing and stretching out at the slightest whisper of pregnancy.

So to sum it up: I am covered in new scars, carrying a huge spare tire, exhausted, cranky, smell like apples (must stop eating them) and am craving cheese.

Gah!!

xoxo a.m.

How I was not attacked by a zombie (or my trip to the dermatologist part deux)

After an eventful weekend of school supply shopping and lying on the couch, Monday arrived with a bit of a whimper on my part.

I unwisely stayed up to watch True Blood last night and upon hitting the hay, had one of those really awful nights of sleep. The kind where you are, indeed, asleep but at the same time you are awake. It’s that really uneasy sleep where you are right on edge, where you wake up feeling kind of dirty as if you need to immediately take a shower to clean the sleep off of you.

Now whether this was the product of a botched nap earlier in the day, that greasy pizza I had for dinner (why? why!!!) or the impending trip to the dermatologist on Monday afternoon, I will never know.

Regardless, I slept like shit and when I woke up it was Monday.

Ugh.

AND I had to go to the dermatologist. Yuck.

Todays big trip was for stitch removal of the first site and then removal of the second site, which just so happens to be a few inches below my collar bone.

The dermatologist I go to in Orlando is lovely and also runs a spa in conjunction with her dermatology practice. As a result, I was comfortably reclined on a chair, pillow tucked under my head while classical music softly piped in the background.

I was almost relaxed. And then they stuck some needles in me. And then they cut part of me out. Irregardless of the fact that I felt nothing, I sure smelled it. Because the area had to be cauterised post-removal and pre-stitches.

And a flashback ensued….

Tell me, oh children of the seventies, do you remember those Elementary school assemblies where we all sat so politely while we were lectured about not touching live wires? And then to really cement the lesson, an adult would then proceed to electrocute a hot dog? The smell that wafted through the gym when you were 6 is what I smelled like this afternoon…

I almost felt like the live wire act was going to be followed a lecture on not touching unexploded bombs. Remember? The 80’s were some freaky shit.

Anyways, to my great disappointment the bandage I received was not as large as the one from the weeks previous. Unfortunately I am unable to pretend that I was bitten by a shark or attacked by zombies.

How disappointing…

Humor me??

xoxo a.m.

Shark bites (or Adventures in Dermatology)

As the Dermatologist headed towards her, Jaime felt a sudden apprehension...

Don’t worry, I haven’t gone anywhere. You were worried, right? I thought so…

Life has thrown me a couple of really busy weeks and I feel like I’ve put on the veil and disappeared from posting about every little teeny thing that is going on in my life…

Biggest thing has been my exciting trip to the dermatologists a few weeks ago. What I thought was just going to be a quick trip for a refill on meds turned into a full-blown skin check. And that ended in the doctor saying to me “Well, I think I’m going to biopsy this one. And…. this one over here. And this one. And then just this last one. Ok?”

No harm in being proactive regarding your skin especially when you live in Florida and it’s hot as Hades 9 of the 12 months of the year.

A few days later I got a call at work from the dermatologist’s assistant, who said the following “Do you have a moment to go over your results?”

This is medical speak for ‘it’s bad’.

Gah.

And not that it was really that bad. But it wasn’t like they were calling me to tell me “We just wanted to let you know that your skin is PERFECT! The most perfect we have ever seen! And below the surface? You are made completely of angel dust and gold sparkles!”

In reality, it was 3 abnormal areas, with the potential to possibly develop into something worse given time. And removal was what was suggested. And I agreed.

First spot to go was on my hip. Didn’t feel a thing. I got an enormous bandage that sort of looked like perhaps a rabid animal had bitten me. Maybe even a shark. I was an enormous baby by the end of the first day. But, the following day it was fine. I removed the giant bandage and replaced it with a little teeny one. I skipped the gym for a few days, haven’t been swimming in 2 weeks and have been going through hydrogen peroxide like it’s going out of style.

Monday, site 2 is removed. Right below my collar-bone. Shark bite take 2! I wonder how enormous the bandage will be this time?? Hopefully people will take pity on my Tuesday at work and bring me cookies (Jen, I’ll be in Winter Park that day, ok??).

I keep thinking ‘proactive, proactive, proactive’. And also ‘stop being a baby, it’s not a shark bite and stop pretending it is’.

Third site will be on the back of my right arm and will be removed in two more weeks, when I go in to have the stitches removed from the site on my chest.

This is just one of the ridiculous things that are going on in my life right now… Thrilling, is it not?

So I am still here. Giant shark bite and all…

 

xoxo a.m.