Category Archives: pregnant

Where I learn that I am old

How I learned that I was old.

In a stunning twist of events, Vince slept over at his Grandparents last Friday night and Edward and I had the night to ourselves…

We were nervous and/or baffled. Nervous about receiving late-night phonecalls from his parents about how we needed to come and pick V up. And baffled because neither of us could remember the last time we had slept alone in our house together. I believe it was in 2008.

And I should add that we really had no idea what to do with this precious blip of time. (Please remember that I am a million years pregnant and if you were thinking that a ‘sexy’ suggestion would be obvious, be reminded that the only thing I am having an intimate relationship with these days  is my body pillow)

We’d gotten a tip that there was this cool pub that served Vegan food near the city and thought we’d start there. Who doesn’t like a cool pub?! And one that serves vegan food? Clearly this was a pub that was right up our alley. The tip included that the food was super. And since Edward and I are becoming increasingly old and decrepit, the idea of checking something new out was both daunting and exhilarating. Just the ticket for a Friday night.

We cruised into the parking lot. I waddled into the pub with husband in tow. We were seated and ordered drinks. And then I had this conversation with the (very young) waitress.

J: “I’ll have a coke.’

VYW: “Did you want ice for that? It does come in a bottle, you know…”

J: “A bottle? Great! Nope, I don’t need ice.”

And then she brought me a plastic bottle of soda. Classic case of misunderstanding. And also why did I assume the soda was going to come in a glass bottle? Because I’m old? Quite possibly.

It was still pretty early for a Friday night, Edward ordered a beer and we got some deep-fried pickles. And slowly the cool kids arrived. And then suddenly the whole place was packed with hipsters. Edward texted me, from across the table, the following:

“Everyone here is so hip.”

“Except for us.”

“Are we in Portland?”

I think we might have been. Or I was back in Victoria (BC that is), circa 1999 or 2000 and a University student again? The pub was packed with people in oversized glasses, men with scarves, skinny jeans, tattoos and very earnest looking conversations. Everywhere we turned there was another onslaught of pretty, disheveled girls paired with men wearing plaid and dark glasses. In boating shoes. With no socks on.

Man, we were clearly out of our league. It was almost enough to want to make you chant “One of us. One of us.” and then lean in and try to join a conversation about the challenges of composting in an apartment complex.

Ok, I’ll stop. Honestly it was a great place to grab a bite and hang out. It just happened to make me feel ancient and extremely uncool. Whatever, suck it up Jaime. You are approaching old and have never been cool. I’m rather comfortable with that now in any case, must have been the hormones acting up…

I have this feeling that this is something I should be getting used to. Or at least that Edward and I should attempt these hawt nights out at a place more our pace like  Cracker Barrel. Or maybe that we should make sure to be in the company of other people that could at least rub a thin veneer of ‘hip’ off on us that would make our entrance to this world a little smoother.

I keed, I keed… E and I totally don’t go to Cracker Barrel. Much.

xoxo a.m.

 

4 Comments

Filed under family, Florida, parenting, pregnant

Just a wee post about pee (snicker)

The waiting room was full, but extremely stylish...

Things are starting to wind down over here, pregnancy-wise, and I am starting to get a little apprehensive regarding what is coming. Apprehensive might be the wrong word, actually. But I’m having a hard time coming up with what exactly is the right one.

I’ve about 6 weeks to go and am just starting my bimonthly doctor appointments. Tuesday is my first one and since I’m not totally jazzed about my doctor and the office staff, I’m not too jazzed about these more regular visits.

I had to swap out doctors this pregnancy when I found out that the physician that delivered Vince stopped delivering babies because of some random OR incident (or at least that’s what her office staff muttered to me when I asked. “Fractured collar-bone in the OR”, she said through pursed lips.)How that even happens, I honestly am not sure. Or if, indeed, it’s even true.

Anyways, I’m not in love with my physician is what it really boils down to. And I am not particularly fond of the office staff either since the second visit when they randomly asked me for a large sum of money without explaining why it was being requested. And then looked at me like I was an idiot for asking what it was for.

But let me just get my real issue out in the open air…

I went to put my urine sample in the bathroom cupboard…. Wait, is this tmi? Well, maybe just stop reading for a minute or so. Let me get this off my chest….

So as I was saying, I went to put my sample in the bathroom cupboard (designed specifically for this purpose so the medical staff can remove it from the outside by a separate door). I opened the cupboard. There literally were about 7 samples inside that had clearly been there for a while. And there was nowhere for mine.

I just kind of stood there for a few seconds, staring at all that pee. All that pee that belonged to other people, people named ‘Jennifer’ and ‘Samantha’. Ugh.

What the hell did I do with mine? I ran a couple of scenarios through my mind and finally settled on the least ridiculous one. I calmly shifted other peoples urine around on the shelf until there was room for mine and then carefully set it down.

And then I went out and washed my hands thoroughly.

What. The F.

It’s just a one physician practice. It’s a teeny office. There are 2  nurses. How on earth does it reach this stage especially when ones appointment is at 8:30?

I’m no stranger to urine and feces either. I do have a 3 1/2 year old. And a baby on the way. And a husband. It’s not like it’s a mystery. But there have to be some standards, right? You don’t just ignore a cupboard full of pee, especially since this is a ‘deposit’ you are expecting from every single patient that enters the office. You’ve got to give us some options other than ‘touch everyone elses pee cups to make room for mine’. Although, I guess I could have asked them to move it, or told them it was full instead of passive aggressively being angry about it still weeks later.

Bahahahaha…. Where’s the fun in that??

I will really enjoy going back to my previous physician once darling, sweetest baby girl has arrived. And never, ever stepping foot in that grotty little office again.

I hope you enjoyed my story about pee.

Happy Sunday night 🙂

xoxo a.m.

1 Comment

Filed under epic, parenting, pregnant, Uncategorized

Craft fail spectacular

Craft fail. That pretty much sums up my creative attempts Sunday…

I haven’t gotten my craft on in quite a while. It’s possible it might actually have been years since I crafted. What a horrible admission! Whats wrong with me? What have I been doing for the past few years?

Oh right. Playing playdough. Endlessly. (Can’t stand it either.) Mixing the colours literally makes me shudder. I honestly feel that you should play with each colour separately. And don’t ever combine them! Oh the horrors! Or at least combine them in a manner that allows them to be easily separated from one another, so you can put each one cleanly back in its container unsoiled.

God I’m a freak.

Anyways… Saturday night and Sunday morning I spent shaving crayons. ‘We’ were going to make crayon hearts and if you click the link on Saturdays blog from Martha Stewart, gosh do hers ever look pretty! The wax smelled lovely, like kindergarten. I had so much fun picking out various pinks and reds and purples and the shaved wax looked so pretty mixed together…

20120110-210216.jpg

 

I had this lovely container pretty full and then I went and got a pedicure. And then Vince went over to his Grandparents house for a visit. Alone. And Edward and I were home. ALONE. And I did laundry. Party.

And since Vince wasn’t around, I thought to myself ‘Perhaps I should do the ironing part, since a 3 1/2 year old really doesn’t need to be that close to a hot iron’. This was a really clever plan. And so I did and gosh it looked nice. The colours started to meld together just a little and it looked like stained glass. And I had a kindergarten flash-back, which sort of made for a lovely experience.

And then it melted a little more. And then I looked at it a little strangely, for it appeared to be taking on another form entirely. One that was not in any way related to Valentines Day, but perhaps a little more at home in a hospital. Or a morgue. In the middle of an autopsy perhaps. Or maybe a biopsy?

 

20120110-210304.jpg

Hmm, that looks sort of like a lung. Don’t worry, I cut out little hearts from it anyways and tied them up with red ribbon (’cause I’m fancy like that). And hung them up by my front door.

20120110-210334.jpg

Edward took one look at it and said something like “What the hell are those?!” And one of my friends almost snorted soda out of her nose when I flashed her a photo of my clever creation.

So clearly I need to get my mojo back. This was a craft fail on a HUGE scale. Although I guess if you wanted to put a positive spin on it, at least the hearts are cut out of material that genuinely looks like it is actually from a heart.

Don’t worry fret my pets… I’m sure I’ll find something else to make a mess of this coming weekend. I’ll be sure to actively include my child in craft creation this time, instead of hogging it all to myself…

xoxo a.m.

Leave a comment

Filed under epic, fail, Florida, parenting, pregnant, Uncategorized

Where I am a pain in my own ass and other ridiculousness

Mmmhmm, it’s Saturday night and hey guess what! I over-did it today! Probably I should get a high-five for that?

"I am very serious about my tools"

Even though I am 31.5 weeks pregnant, my brain seriously seems to shut down and think that I am not pregnant at all. And so I proceed with my Saturday like I normally would. So told it was Home Depot with friends for the free children’s workshop, then off for donuts, then over to BabysRus to register, then to Waterford Lakes to Barnes & Noble for a quick book look, then to the movies to see Alvin and the Chipmunks 3, back home to Lake Nona to hit the grocery store and finally home to make dinner, bathe the munchkin, do 2 loads of laundry and put Vince to bed.

Regular Saturday stuff. Usually this kind of thing is de rigueur for me. Edward working 7 days a week and the fact that he’s in the middle of a ‘marking papers’ marathon necessitates me keeping Vince busy and out of his hair.

But seriously, I’m a total dumbass. I was so worn out from life, work, toddlers etc that I could barely function on Friday at work and had to go home and sleep. I can’t walk fast anymore. I am in full on waddle mode. What the hell am I thinking?

Gah, I’m a pain in my own ass.

And the seriously funny thing is that I honestly was planning on doing crafts with Vince once I got home. So much so that I was actually shaving crayons in the kitchen while he was eating dinner in prep for some crafty business.

This is what we are planning on doing tomorrow. Thanks Martha Stewart! Crayon hearts are awesome, easy and will look lovely hanging in the window and maybe even Baby Girl’s bedroom? I’m mentally planning lots of Valentine’s day crafts with Vince this month.

Partially because we had the following ridiculous conversation about Valentine’s Day:

Me: “Valentine’s Day is a day where we tell our favorite people that we love them an extra lot and maybe we make them a special present too!”

V: “I like presents. I’m going to buy a present for ME! And it’s going to be GREEN! Like the pig from Angry Birds!”

M: “Hmm, well…”

V: “And then we are going to play Angry Birds. And then we are going to give Chewie an Angry Birds present! And Mummy, can I play the Angry Birds Seasons game on your phone? Now?”

M: “…..”

So clearly we need some more education regarding this made-up holiday. Which is what the month of January is going to be devoted to. And clearly I need to remove Angry Birds Seasons from my phone OR stop using it as a bribe while grocery shopping.

So tomorrows plans will be a little more laid-back than today’s. Because I am not a crazy person. And I still work full-time. And I need to make sure I squeeze a wee bit of rest into the day. I’m daydreaming about a pedicure right now…

I’m going to go and prop my belly up on a pillow in bed and watch something totally ridiculous on Hulu.

xoxo a.m.

Leave a comment

Filed under Florida, parenting, pregnant

Happy New Year, or else!

2012 has arrived like a bright and shiny new penny and I swear the air is filled with enticing promises and plans already.

This year though I am resolving to remain resolved about my resolutions. My resolutions that I am going to, for the most part, keep to myself. I will admit that 2 big goals are to write more and to be more creative. How both of these things will work out with baby number 2 making her appearance in 9 short weeks shall be very interesting to see.

In a silly, horoscopically-focused kind of way, I feel like this year has more potential than, say, last year. Not that last year was a bad boy or anything, but this year is the Year of the Dragon. My year. Also my mothers. And by a quirky twist of fate, my unborn daughters. Does this not sound auspicious? It’s like a sign from a Guy Gavriel Kay novel or something… (currently rereading his books and adore him all the more)

I am really excited about focusing more on creativity this year. I feel like I have grand plans and schemes, but lately things have fallen to the wayside. So kick-starting this is something I am anticipating. What I think will really help pull my focus is that we finally made the leap and got rid of cable. Now we did get Apple TV and HuluPlus, but despite these options, I’ve noticed a huge decrease in telly gazing on all parties involved.

Vincent has been very interesting to observe. At first he didn’t even notice. And then a few times he asked for particular shows that he used to watch on cable. I told him we didn’t have them any more and directed his attention towards his toys. Since then, the few times he’s actually asked for a show, it’s very non-specific and I am so happy that Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is neither on NetFlix nor Hulu.

So one week in and we don’t miss it one iota. And my closets are all cleaned. And I baked cookies and made strawberry shortcake. And Edward and I watched a WHOLE movie together. And I’ve been in bed at 8:30 or 9 every night (that part might just be because I am pregnant and tired though…).

It’s interesting to see how a small change has such a huge impact on a household.

I’ve got several ‘rub my hands together gleefully and chuckle’ type plans for projects on the backburners of my mind. Some are for me. Some are for Vince. None are for Edward, but he will be required to high-five us both and admire the results in a believable manner.

A Happy New year to all of you. May the year of the Dragon be one filled with wonderful adventures in life for you all…

xoxo a.m.

1 Comment

Filed under parenting, pregnant, Uncategorized

A pregnant Christmas ramble…

I’m not really sure how it happened, but Christmas is in 8 days. Originally I had felt a bit panicked as the holiday season approached, what with being an enormous preggo and all. That combined with shopping  is just a pile of no-fun. But as it turns out, there isn’t anything to worry about.

After much conversation, Edward and I are (in a way) opting out of the majority of the hype shopping-wise. Honestly, there isn’t anything that either of us want. And really all I like is presents in my stocking, that’s my favorite.

And plus, what is honestly more fun that watching your child’s face on Christmas morning. Much more rewarding that watching your partners face as they open socks (or whatever awesome techno-giftie you got them this year).

So I low-keyed it, bought V a bunch of Star Wars books. And a few other things as well, it’s hard not to… And Edward is having a hard time resisting the lure of purchasing Star Wars action figures for Vince, especially since Vince is taking to it like a duck to water. Isn’t that funny? He learned about Star Wars 3 weeks ago and practically has memorized every characters name, declared favorites and is thrilled that Daddy and him have a ‘date’ to watch the movie in the next few days…

Total digression, I know, but sometimes a Star Wars digression is worth it. More so when ones child declared to Santa that he wanted a Jabba the Hutt present from Santa and sent Daddy scrambling to eBay to hunt one up since it is not possible to find anything like that 10 days before Christmas. Ha!!

Anyways, so I find myself in a pleasant situation of not needing to do any more shopping. Which is a relief since I don’t want to. I barely mailed cards out this year and feel like a huge holiday slacker. And I don’t care.

I couldn’t have appreciated it any more than today when I woke up WAY too early to the sound of someone crying “I HAVE TO DO A POO!” at some ungodly hour. Preceeded by a coma-like sleep which started last night at about 8:30 when I passed out on the couch trying to spend a nice evening with E watching a movie together.

So pretty much I’m a big, tired loser. But while I’m that, I’m also a stress-free loser because of our mini-opt out.

And guess what? I’m going to bed. Right now. Before I coma-out on the couch again…

xoxo a.m. (

2 Comments

Filed under Florida, parenting, pregnant

Where I regret being smug and other things…

Click me. I'll make you read about pregnancy. Don't mind my repeated spelling errors....

First let me just say that this pregnancy is a total bitch.

A migraine, hormone-laden son of a total m-fing bitch. And typing that really feels like a glorious, orgasmic release…

I feel kind of embarrassed when I think back to being pregnant with Vince. God, I was so smug. I felt great, ate healthily and slept well. ALL THE TIME.

Probably because I wasn’t a parent yet. I just was a dog-parent, which while counting somewhat, doesn’t actually count in the realms of sanity.

So now that I feel crappy, tired, hormonal, angry/happy all the time plus I have a little person to keep an eye on? Gah. I’m just a mess. A big ol’ mess.

Ok, enough of that blather… I’m alive, and really I’m fine. Honestly.

Vince, on the other hand, is developing some interesting new actions. And by interesting I mean a combo of ‘annoying’, ‘odd’ and ‘oh please let it end soon’. It’s almost a one-two punch.

First there is a bi-monthly event of the nightmare. This is carefully timed to achieve optimal impact by aiming for the nights that Mummy and Daddy are extra tired/crappy feeling. And the result of the nightmare is that Vince ends up in our bed, neither of us are able to sleep with him. It is impossible. This last time was Friday night. He woke up at 11:50 pm crying and crawled in with us.

And proceeded to ask to play Angry Birds. Repeatedly. I ended up in his little bed with my body pillow where I didn’t sleep for 5 hours and woke up to the sound of Vince discussing Angry Birds with Daddy at 5:30 am.

And then there is his ‘sensitive ears’. A lovely new development over the last few weeks. Apparently pretty much everything is too loud. Unless he really really likes it, then it’s fine. A lot of things are too loud. Like the toilet flushing, Mummy talking, Chewie barking. But surprisingly Angry Birds at full volume is never too loud. In fact, it appears to consistently be too quiet.

I am quite sure that this kind of behavior is on par with ‘three’ and am trying to not be too surprised by it. Or really overreact at all, just correct the behavior and try not to make too big a deal of it. Lord knows this does not need to be encouraged.

In the realm of real life, I honestly cannot believe that Christmas is less than two weeks away. And that I am in my third trimester. And that the nursery is painted and awaiting a new little love that will arrive in less than 12 weeks.

Don’t worry, my brain is glossing over it all like its been doing when I try to bring up any details of what going into labour was like. It’s just slipping right over it all, moving right on to having a 6 month old.

Well done brain! Just the way I like it!

xoxo yours in sleeplessness a.m.

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Florida, parenting, pregnant, Uncategorized

I’m tired. And hormonal. Party.

So today I had a bit of a meltdown, one I didn’t know I was having until I was smack in the middle of it happening. I think it started with Vince getting his head stuck in a tree yesterday.

And then there was all the dog puke and shit I cleaned up yesterday and today. As well as several other things that are too mundane to bore you with. I was, surprisingly, short-tempered with pretty much everything. And there was still laundry to do and things to clean, dinner to make and pumpkins to carve.

I had a great nights sleep and thought I was over my short-temperedness until I had been up for an hour or so. And then the dog pooped in the house again. And then Vince  was Vince. And Vince, being the Vince he is, is a smart-talking, subjective listening type of three-year old. This might be all three-year olds, I’m not really sure.

When his Pop-Pop arrived to take him to GatorLand for a few hours, I just about cried. I had so many things to do around the house, things that would go a lot quicker without my little shadow. And despite that, there was just no energy for any of it. Edward finally kicked me out of the house and sent me to the movies, alone.

Which was ok with me. I didn’t really feel like talking to people. Aren’t I a peach, eh?

Sitting in the dark, eating buttery popcorn and drinking Cherry Coke and watching Hugh Jackman and some robots fight was pretty much the cure. I mean, fighting robots! Come on! Immediate cure-all!

I think part of the problem is that it’s not a problem, it’s just life. And part of the situation is that pregnancy brings so many other interesting things to the party. And part of my personality is that despite being 5 months pregnant, I think I have the same level of energy that I did prior. Which isn’t really true.

The movie really helped. I think I’ll need to go to at least one a week in order to get through the next few months… and I’ll probably have a few more hormonal breakdowns. Stupid hormones.

xoxo a.m.

Leave a comment

Filed under epic, family, hormones, parenting, patience, pregnant

Scars, complaints and some mild drama…

So earlier this week I had my final ‘spot’ sliced off at the dermatologist.

HALLELUJAH.

I’m so tired of going there that I am not capable of adding an exclamation mark to the previous ‘exclamation’. It’s just a loud statement. Said in a bored sort of voice, because I am so over being sliced that it’s not even funny.

The nurse removed the stitches from the ‘spot’ on my chest, which has healed up quite good. The spot on my thigh looks like someone bingo-stamped with magenta ink. Oh and put a big icky scab in the middle. Real attractive. The last area is on the side of my upper right arm. Another three stitches, frankly this one looks a little rougher. And hairier. Stitch thread sticking up and a bald spot in the shape of a band-aid in the surrounding area are competing to add extra glamour to my day-to-day look.

One more week and I head back to have the stitches removed. Since it’s such a quick procedure, I’ve elected to take V with me. Hysterical, right? I think so.

All of these spots plus the fun that I am experiencing during early pregnancy have combined to make me feel just kind of gross. Despite being in my second trimester (albeit just barely), this ‘surge’ of energy so far is manifesting itself  as more of a ‘drain’. Liars!

Craving are up and running full speed though. Nausea and what I honestly describe as a ‘general malaise’ are in the running with my energy ‘surge’ for number one. And gosh do I ever like saying ‘general malaise’.

Oh and I feel like I’m 5 months pregnant. Thanks muscles for relaxing and stretching out at the slightest whisper of pregnancy.

So to sum it up: I am covered in new scars, carrying a huge spare tire, exhausted, cranky, smell like apples (must stop eating them) and am craving cheese.

Gah!!

xoxo a.m.

2 Comments

Filed under awesomeness, awkward, drama, pregnant

I’m a hormonal freak. Again. Still.

Cat in cage, not in bag. As previously explained.

So now that the cat is completely out of the bag, expect a surplus of pregnancy related posts… Mostly about how tired I am (which is a lot) and how I feel like I want to puke every morning (yay first trimester!) and how I am frighteningly hormonal.

And frankly, these hormones are a little scary. There might have been some out of control rage. I might have maybe stormed out of the house, slamming the door in my wake. Maybe.

And while trying to mentally remember my first pregnancy, I found that there are little to no memories remaining. Shock! Apparently, and for my own good, my mind has blocked out every unpleasant aspect of it. Was I this tired?? I don’t think so, but who knows? I could have been!

I do remember eating a lot of peanut butter and bacon sandwiches, uncontrollable urges for oranges and having a sore back. And then, magically I had a baby.

And most of the actual ‘giving birth’ parts are pretty vague too. Kind of like how your Mum might have glossed over that particular part when telling you as a child.

“And then you push and OUT pops the baby!”

Or kind of like I’ve had my memory wiped. I have to concentrate really hard to remember the specifics, but my mind kind of slips away from it. Deliberately distracted by anything else other than what it was aiming from.

Nature is helping me not get too freaked out about what we’ve gotten ourselves into…

And while Vince shrieks things like “I said get out of my room!!” and “Go away Mummy!”, I ponder the fun that baby #2 will bring. Vince thinks that the baby will be ready for playtime, as evident in this tasty piece of V-wisdom… “The baby’s gonna come and smash me on the head!!!” (and he sounded really excited about it).

In the mean time, I cannot wait until this awful exhaustion stops. It will stop right? Because it’s crippling me. And while we are at it, wouldn’t mind that nausea taking a hike too…

xoxo a.m.

 

Leave a comment

Filed under awesomeness, epic, family, parenting, pregnant