Category Archives: drama

Slap it hard

slap-blog

Boys can be very exhausting.

Riding on the end of an influenza, ear infection, projectile vomiting, high fever, nebulizer, late night crying and screaming, wheezy, asthmatic, some-one-bit-my-child-at-school month of October, I have had enough.

Enough October!! Give it a rest! Bring on November in all of it’s sweet turkey finery. Mummy needs a break.

I will not get one though, such is the life of Mummy.

Little Man is going through a ‘Mummy’ phase. Everything is ‘Mumma’ and ‘No’. Mostly ‘no’ to people who aren’t Mumma. And also ‘no’ when it is Mumma as well. He is alternately extremely delighted by everything that involves me and clingy as well. He just can’t get enough of me.

Secretly I am delighted. And secretly I am a little scared of my reaction. And then publicly terrified that I will be one of ‘those’ mum’s. Since I have called his Doctor every week for about a month now (and am really restraining myself from calling this week), I feel like I am edging there. They might know who I am. Hopefully they think I am nice (nervous laughter) and not a total psychopath-slash-first time mother.

This is a hard line to tread for me. Especially for a person such as myself, who tends to be rather concerned with what people think of her.

On one hand, I don’t care at all. I will happily babble nonsense at V down the aisle of any store and say the most ridiculous things to him. Random stories about the fruits and vegetables we are passing by…promises to make him yummy dinners, more delicious than he has ever eaten. Descriptions of things we are going to do on the weekend.

Confronted with people actually paying attention to me, it’s another thing altogether. Suddenly I do care very much about what I am saying and how I am coming across to them.

Basically I will kiss Little Man’s chubby cheeks to the point of rawness, and then afterwords wonder if anyone thinks I am too doting of a mother. But at the same time, I don’t give a shit. Because he is the cutest, sweetest Little Man in the world, way cuter than yours, by the way… Just in case you wanted to hear that. WAY cuter. And most handsome. And best personality. See? See what I mean? (My personality makes this rather conflicting…)

And I will call the pediatrician non-stop and use that overly friendly voice that annoys me so much at the office that I work at. You know, that voice you use when you want a favor? Except, I am not a bitch, like so many of the mothers I speak to (except for that one time…. but it was perfectly excusable…)

So this whole ‘biting’ thing at daycare really, well, bites. And super sucks. And bites even more…

I am unsure how to proceed with this. I called the director of the school, informed her and the teacher and now (apart from tossing the mother of the biter out into the parking lot and having a proper slap-down) I am not too sure what the next step is…

No slapping, right? And I must be sure to teach V about the no slapping rule as well….

*sigh*

xoxo a.m.

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Filed under atlantic, Autumn, awesomeness, awkward, bite, boys, crying, drama, epic, exhaustion, family, Florida, havoc, Love, Mad skills, Mummy, parenting, public, random, sanity, The South, tired, Toddlers, what the?

Well, shit.

Just a few things that I have noticed that V brings home from daycare.

Bruises

This is a major one. Now probably this is because he has been walking for about 1 month (1 MONTH!) and falls down all of the time. Tonight during bath-time I noticed that his calves were literally littered with little bruises. It looks like someone whacked those little legs with a stick. And there were even a couple on the side of his little tush. My eyebrows raised a little when I saw those little bruises. What on earth is going on at DayCare that results in bum bruises?

Unexplained marks

Yesterday I picked him up from school and he was crying. He wasn’t crying when I was peeking at him from outside, but between me peeking and entering the building, something had happened. Something, and nobody seemed to clear on what had made him cry.

Well, regardless, off we went. We stopped for some french-fries on the way home. Just a little treat for my wee man. About 2 hours later I happened to notice a mark on his arm. With a closer look, I realized that it looked a lot like someone’s small mouth. As in someone bit him. Nice. And so there you go. Someone bit my child. And I learned about it by accident.

I mentioned it this morning when I dropped him off and apparently the class has a biter. During bath-time tonight, while I was noticing his cane-marks on those calves, I saw a faded mark on his other arm. The more I looked at it, the more I became convinced that it was another bite-mark. It was suspiciously rounded and mouth-like.

Shit.

Well, shit.

Shit.

Art Projects

Now these are delightful.

Yesterday I received 3 little things that he had done, little things he had painted and glued things on to. I just love this.

Tonight when I came home, V had ‘homework’. Oh, I even loved this! We had to send 5 different leaves to school tomorrow for a ‘project’. Off we went as a family to get some leaves. How lovely to have a little family project.

So biting, bruising and art work. That is what school has brought us so far. Oh, and the flu. And also a constant cold for 3 weeks. And some added emotional stress for all of us. And the word ‘No’.

So far school is kicking our ass. Damn it!! I was trying for a win!

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Nugget

poop-blog

(of poop)

There they were, waiting for me on the changing table as I carried my squeaky clean V from the tub back to his bedroom…

*sigh*

Not only nuggets, but an open dirty diaper.

….flashback to a few hours earlier….

On my way home, I called M for a quick chat.

“How was your day?”, I asked as I gunned it down the expressway.

“Oh. It’s been better”, he replied in a wry tone.

“Oh?”

“I am in the middle of doing something horrible……”

Not picking up on the wry tone, my mind headed in the worst directions possible… mortgage payments, things to do with money, hot water tank leak, smoke detectors going off, awful things to do with the house…

“V gave me a present”.

This is parent code for ‘loaded up the pants’, ‘made a brownie’, ‘dropped the kids off at the pool’ or any number of other expressions (that I am sure your husband/brother/male member of the family will be happy to share with you, while they snicker that is…)

Oh men, so dramatic. You’d think it was the end of the world.

It must have been though, if I was to find remnants of it an hour later. Apparently it was epic. And there was screaming and thrashing involved during changing time. Good stuff.

….flash-forward to present….

I was sure. So sure. That life was not going to throw feces at me tonight. All signs pointed to a ‘dodge’, especially considering the previous conversation with M.

I picked that poop up, deposited it elsewhere and snuggled that Little Man within an inch of his poop-filled life….

Mumma loves the baby.

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Toilet

toilet-blog

Pretty much what my afternoon looked like, just with pants on instead...

Things I did this afternoon:

Wrestled my 14 month old son away from the toilet.

Really.

He just ‘discovered’ it this afternoon and learned how to lift the lid. This was cute the first time. Then, as he lifted and dropped it repeatedly, it suddenly was not entertaining.

And then, as I looked over at him and saw that he had a whole arm down the toilet (I swear I looked away for about 1/2 a second), it was at the lowest level on non-entertaining. Right at the very bottom level.

So as I rush over to the toilet and drag that little arm out of it (and then soap that arm up, scrub it to an inch of it’s life and dry it on a super clean towel), I thought things like “M! Where are you!!” and “Must shut all bathroom doors from now on”.

As I dragged him (metaphorically speaking) out of the bathroom, he threw a full-on fit.

Kicking, screaming, wailing, back-arching etc. I could hardly believe that this huge of a fuss was being throw over the toilet. The toilet!! I mean really!!

But regardless, it was a huge fit.

As I was carrying him away from the toilet (laughing), I wondered what would be the next step in this little impish boy’s life. Approximately 3 hours later I learned that it would be actual steps…

V took his first unsupported steps this evening. At first from the middle of our walk-in closet to Daddy (as that was where they were playing). He did that a couple of times while M and I stared in disbelief.

Then, once I got in the closet with him, M encouraged him to walk towards me. He took 4 steps to me, before falling into my arms… Did I win the lottery? I just might have….

The lottery of love, that is…. it was all rather overwhelming…

M and I just looked at each other… our days are numbered…

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Bonding

IMG_0208

I washed my hands at this temple…..

I think it was in Kakegawa (correct me if I am wrong, please…it was 7 years ago)

I took this trip in January of 2002. M and I had known each other…. perhaps about 3 days? In the 8 weeks that I had taught at Alpha Language School, I bonded with one particular class. They turned into my parents…. and I think of them so fondly even now.

They invited me (us) on a bus trip to a castle and a temple. Since I had done nothing in Japan at that point (except drink), this was pretty exciting. We were picked up at about 7 am. Shoved into a teeny car. Driven to some random parking lot, we exited and then lined up for a bus. And met the rest of the class who were coming with us.

It was a pretty luxurious bus. And to my surprise, all of the old ladies on it (pretty much it was M and 50 older women) simutaneously cracked open a beer. I kid you not. We were then offered one…. too early for us both.

So while the bus drank its face off, M and I giggled away and cemented our friendship in the ridiculousness of this journey. The only other man on the bus adventure cast glances back at him longingly… he was trapped in beer and morning pastry hell. Poor guy…

The day was spent on and off that bus.

Interlude: The most ridiculously gourmet meal I had ever had in my life (at that point) as just a random lunch time thing for the whole bus. On a private golf course that was used primarily by sumo wrestlers for a vacation hot spot or something like that. It was fancy. Maybe it was soccer pros that vacationed there…. regardless, it was fancy, delicious and well, super fancy. Oh, and awkward. Really really awkward.

Please, try to imagine 2 fluent english speakers plus 7 non-english speakers. PLUS alcohol. Plus overwhelming Japanese culture. Plus hand gestures.

I was 25. M was 26. They were the same age as our parents. And had been drinking. Awkward!

Regardless of the whole awkwardness thing, it still was the most amazing thing I had ever done.  We were all so unsure of each other it made it ok. I remember walking onto the grounds of the temple and just being astounded. I literally didn’t know how to react to what I was seeing. It was the complete opposite of the Canadian West Coast. Or of any coast at all.

It was the best weekend of my early twenties….

IMG_0229

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Secret club

motherhood-blog

I just started reading “The Happiest Toddler on the Block” in an effort to prepare myself for what will certainly happen and/or what is already happening.

The whole tag line of the book is “How to eliminate tantrums and raise a patient, respectful and cooperative child”. Now this sounds like a great plan to me! We’ve dabbled a bit in the tantrum pool… just a bit… However, if V is a combination of M and I, then for sure we will have some huge issues with stubbornness (me) and argumentativeness (M). Ok, both of those apply to both of us.

So far it is interesting. Basically it states that toddlers are like cavemen because their little brains are too immature (with patience, logic and language). It discusses key ways to communicate with children in order to decrease poor behavior. Some things I feel a little unsure about… it’s a tricky issue to tackle!

I mean, I see the point that Dr Karp is making, but at the same time I am unsure if I seriously am capable of doing the following:

Vincent says ” You want! You want! You want…. want…. WANT!! You want bottle now, right now!! But wait a minute honey, first we need to sit in our highchair before we have the bottle”.

Am I really capable of speaking like this? Without feeling like a total retard?! Not sure….

Toddler-ese is what this is called, and apparently (according to this book) it is quite effective. Is it?

I desperately hope so, especially as I am reading the ‘success’ stories and am imagining V and I as the end result of these stories. Minus the ‘ese’. Well, there might be a little bit of ‘ese in the house, but in public? That is where I feel a little bit iffy…

And lets ignore the fact that I already point and narrate everything when I am out in public with V. And sing songs. And blow raspberries. And really could care less who sees or hears me do all of these ridiculous things. Reading this book about advocating this sort of behavior times 50 makes me….well….laugh actually.

It makes me laugh as is is the greatest thing ever to glance across at another mum and realize that she is pretty much exactly on your path. As different as all of us mums look, we are all reading, doing and pretty much thinking the same thing. ALL THE TIME. How refreshing is it to know that you are not the only one reading and thinking these things.

It is a lovely secret membership and I welcome it. And am grateful for that unspoken support… xoxo to all my mums out there from a.m.

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Filed under awesomeness, bed-time, boys, clapping, drama, East Coast, epic, family, holy mother, Love, Mad skills, parenting, patience, public, The South, Toddlers, West Coast

Consider this…

change-blog

I am considering making some more changes to my blog…..

This is an ongoing thing with me, as I try to improve and expand etc etc

One of the biggest changes I am comtemplating is a name-change.

So far I have one idea…. message me if you want to hear more *hint hint*

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Filed under bed-time, drama, family, Mad skills, random, The South, Uncategorized, Writing

Tattoo

cherry-muse-blog

Tattooed. Awesome.

Spending time in a tattoo studio is interesting. I’ve been in one several times before…. but this was the first time that I’ve been in one with someone that has been in one on a regular basis. She’s pretty colourful. And pretty. And pretty and colourful at the same time.

As was my experience….

Colourful.

And Pretty!!

But colourful.

I learned.

I learned things maybe I shouldn’t share with the public.

Things about going to Greece and France…. that aren’t really involved with travel. At all. Who knew. But in retrospect, it made lots of sense.

I also didn’t know that blow-jobs and chicken go hand-in-hand… Apparently they do. But that it also stops after marriage. So don’t get married or those two will no longer go hand in hand…. If they ever did. Except in the realm of imagination and tattoo parlours.

I had many conversations about drugs, chicken, foreign countries, sex, sex, sex, sex and sex. And penises. I didn’t even know how to pluralize that word. Thank god for spell-check.

Mostly I just listened and absorbed. Absorbed what? I couldn’t really say. It’s been absorbed already. It’s in there though, floating around. I am sure that it will all resurface at some point… Most likely on my next trip. Once C and I work out the kinks to my cap sleeve.

Did you know that she is my tattoo muse?

If you are looking for ideas, let me know…. she might consult, for a fee that is… I’ll make sure you get a family rate. No worries….

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Zap!

zap-blog

As you may or may not know, V is an actual genius.

It’s true.

He proves it to us day after day. Sometimes I wonder if it’s just that we are easily impressed… But these things he does are AMAZING! We are astounded.

He eats a blueberry for the first time…… HOLY COW!!

He gobbles down asparagus like it was candy, making me exclaim “Ha! I know you got that from Grandpa Larry!”. WOW!

He crawls faster that I can run, which clearly illustrates that I need to exercise more as I must be going pretty slow. Right? Or maybe he’s just a super-fast baby. KAZAAM!!

He charms all ladies with a single casual coy glance from those heavily-lashed caramel-brown eyes. BA-BAYAM! (Southern accent is implied here)

I am sure that this must be getting ‘old hat’ for all 4 of you that read this blog on a regular basis. I am sure you are thinking things like “Yes, yes Jaime. We know he is amazing *sigh* and charming *double sigh* and super clever *HUGE extra deep super-sigh*.  For the LOVE OF GOD.”

Yes, yes, I know all of that. But then, tonight, he did something unbelievable.

And you ready for it??

Are you sure?

Can you handle the full-on buffalo-jumping-off-of-a-cliff super excitement of it all??

The most amazing I-just-discovered-the-most-awesome-musician-I-have-ever-heard-and-I-want-to share-it-with-everyone kind of feeling?

A kind of I-rode-a-camel-for-the-first-time kind of unbelievable feeling?

Alright… here it is.

He clapped his hands by himself.

Holy crap!

As I was watching him do it, it was like my mind couldn’t comprehend what was going on. I saw him doing the action, and watched the “I am clever” smile light up his face, but still, I had no idea what he was doing. It was like when I saw him stand up for the first time. I almost didn’t believe it.

I think he clapped for about 30 seconds straight before I actually comprehended what he was doing. I followed my non-comprehension with “Good job, Little Man!”. And then I cried.

Oh my big boy…. Clapping away by himself in his high-chair, covered in grilled cheese sandwich,  as I was grilling him some asparagus and defrosting some of his birthday cake for dessert. I know “grilling”, right? I might as well grow his own food while I am at it.

Ok, back to me blathering away. I cried. V is one. He claps. I am teaching him to point at pictures in his bedtime books, he is saying things to me that almost sound like real words. I swear he said “Pop-Pop” the other day. My heart might explode.

Too. Much. Emotion.

If I can’t even handle clapping, how am I going to manage him walking. Even going potty. Clearly I will just be an emotional mess until he is in his 30’s. Can’t wait!

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Sweet!

sweet-blog

Apparently life decided to ring in July with proper pomp and celebration.

It started out alright. With cupcakes. Now, cupcakes from Publix are not a shabby way to start the day…. things went smoothly and busily at work (just the way I like it). Things started to take a bit of a down-ward turn when I called V’s pediatrician…

He had his first MMR shot the past week, bit of a fever this past weekend….. and developed an interesting rash yesterday. Sort of a torso-encompassing kind of rash, one that looks pretty awful but apparently has no effect on V at all. No itching, no additional fever, no coughing…. so pretty much no nuttin’.

Just this ‘interesting’ rash.

It didn’t get any better today, so I called his wonderful Dr E. The office told me the usual….”We can’t diagnose a rash over the phone.”

“You can’t?! Why not!?!?” was my response. I know the drill, I’m not an idiot…. and so I agreed to whatever time they told me to come for an appointment. Afternoon off it was. And home I went to a fussy babe and tired husband.

Dr E diagnosed (after some listening, checking, peeking in many orifices with instruments and temperature-taking…. oh and throat-swabbing) that it was most likely a reaction to the shots… or Roseola…. but probably a reaction to the shots. The rash will get a little worse, and then it will get lots better.

Nice. Yay fourth of July and celebrating V’ girlfriends birthday!! With a rash! Sweet!

And then my car broke down… *sigh*

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