Toddle

Did you know that two is a terrible number?

I thought, for about 20 months, that it wasn’t that bad. Actually, I thought that maybe other people were making it out to be worse that I had heard. And then literally 2 days after V hit the 21 month zone, it all went straight down the toilet.

And by toilet, I mean an actual toilet. As in things went in the toilet (wash clothes, hands and almost a face) and then were quickly removed (by Mummy). And then other things entered the toilet. And this second time it was actually something that should be in there.

And it wasn’t poo. Or a duck. OR a turtle.

It was a toilet brush. Who is stupid enough to keep a toilet brush behind the toilet? Clearly me. Did you know that almost two-year-olds like to do things that their Mummies do? Apparently I clean the toilet enough that he knows how to.

I was out of the room for 15 seconds and when I came back? Drenched. Whatever. I was so over it by then. Or at least I thought I was.

And then he climbed into his tub, put the plug in, turned the water on and proceeded to play in his clothes in the water.

It was a deep sigh moment for me.

And then he didn’t want to eat dinner.

And then he didn’t want his nose wiped.

And then he didn’t want to drink his milk bottle.

And then he didn’t want me to carry him.

And then he didn’t want me to not carry him.

And then he hated everything that I was doing and not doing for eternity and beyond.

And then he went to bed. And then I poured myself a big glass of wine. And then I realized that two was closer than I thought. And then I connected the dots.

Oh. Shit.

2 days of this naughtiness was awful. I actually contemplated spanking. For real!! And then I thought I was pretty sure I couldn’t. *Thought* But then he made me use his middle name more times in 2 days then in his whole entire life. And granted, that has been 21 months at this point, but I used it A LOT.

Is this ‘boys’? Is this ‘terrible twos”? Is this Italian plus Irish plus Canadian? (The Canadian part is clearly the non-argumentative part, although Mike might disagree with that… although, since he never reads this, it doesn’t matter!! hahahahaha

Dude. For real. I know there are books and things out there about this, but surely those people who wrote those books never experienced it! Otherwise those books would be totally different.

Anyways, I am exhausted.

xoxo a.m.

3 Comments

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3 responses to “Toddle

  1. Mom

    So funny, exhausting…but funny!
    I will now share a wise Granny M. saying with you…
    “This too (or maybe two…) shall pass…”
    In another year…when he is toilet trained, talking in entire sentences and drawing eyes on his pictures…you won’t believe you went thru this stage.
    Hugs for a good start to the week…
    xoxoxo

  2. Melissa

    Been there done that. Those days are coming back for me with my almost one year old.

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