As this Christmas season pulls up, M and I are gearing up for ‘YAY!’.
With our first house, we both really feel like we can really put effort into outside house decor.
So.
We went to Home Depot. And then to Lowes. And then back to Home Depot again.
Eventually we emerged with lights. The selection of lights involved us breaking out the calculator app on M’s crap phone to estimate if our choice was a ‘good buy’ or not. It was. Only took 35 minutes to decide upon.
We got home, V went down for a nap and M broke out the big ladder and started hanging lights for the FIRST TIME IN HIS LIFE.
And I watched him FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE.
We have no idea what we are doing. Other people on our street have such nice displays, we are rather jealous. How do they do it? Do they plan? Diagrams? Blue prints? What exactly?
Anyways, we just went and bought some stuff… And some hanger-ish things.
We had a few issues with, well, lots of stuff.
And so I was sent off to Home Depot to ask ridiculous questions while M made festive beef stew for us to enjoy in this cold Florida weather.
Ridiculous Question #1: “Where do I find a double ‘male part’ extension cord?”
Ridiculous Answer #1: “Um. They don’t exist. Did your husband hang the lights up backwards?”
Me: “Maybe. I don’t know and I am not going to ask.”
V was currently on one hip, runny nose and one sticky finger up one nostril (Yay discovery!). My other hand was clutching a few packages of window clings. I was wearing slippers.
Ridiculous Question #2: “It looks like we are going to end up with some dangling male-parts hanging from our roof. I don’t want to leave it so exposed. Is there anything I can insert it into to protect it?” (I was actually talking about extension cords. I realize I should now not ever use the term ‘male parts’ ever again)
Ridiculous Answer #2: *blank stare*
Ridiculous Answer #3: “Just use some tape.” He then shook his head and walked away.
V, our window clings and my slippers left Home Depot quickly. I called M.
“Hey. It’s me. It doesn’t exist. Ya. Next time, YOU get to ask… *click*”
Our lights are slightly crooked and not as beautifully blue-printed as some of our neighbours. And there still are ‘dangling male parts’ hanging off of my roof.
Looks so gorgeously amateur, it really couldn’t look any more beautiful.
xoxo a.m.
One Lovely Atlantic Mama and family 
OMG, i think that is the funniest thing i have ever read. I am amazed that all you got was a blank stare when you asked about dangling male bits.
Send a photo (a night time one)
Bet it looks great!
xoxo
I bet the lights look just fine! Love to see a pic. That is such a funny story!
LOL! I am at work reading this and it’s 2am and I may be a little on the tired side cause that just made me laugh very hard – like hard enough that I had tears.
Just use tape…
Good story!
I know exactly how you guys feel! I went through some grief last year (my first time) and never felt like I made the place look…well, like it was worth the trouble. I have a deep respect (with a hint of creepy fear) of the neighbors with the elaborate displays.
Very funny story…and I have to say that I’m really not sure how you could have wound up with any loose “male parts”! It’s unpossible.
I know, right?! Its tricky business!! *pulling hair out*
Oh god, it was just the most ridiculous experience. Funny how things like this happen every day. I am glad that I gave you a good laugh though!! xoxo