This Saturday morning was extremely lovely, the weather was perfect for a stroll and it is a perfect time for contemplation.
What started me thinking was the person that was approaching me. For some reason I always feel uncomfortable when the sidewalks are empty except for that one person heading towards you.
So I started feeling uncomfortable, more uncomfortable as he got closer and closer and then he said…………. “Morning!” in a bright and cheery voice.
I responded in a more subdued manner with “Morning”, My eyes glanced up at his face, made quick contact and slid away…
What is wrong with me?
I can’t even say ‘Good Morning’ to a pleasant person out on a stroll just like me? Am I so paranoid?
So I had to ponder this for the rest of the walk.
I have this feeling it comes across as snobby. I mean, I know it did in high school (or at least I remember one person telling me that in grade 12, much to my dismay as I was anything and am anything but).
I just can be slightly socially awkward. Oh and say inappropriate things…. sometimes it seems like I have no control over my mouth, things come out (and I think….’oh, I shouldn’t have said that’… but it’s already out there….). So maybe instead of saying ‘slightly’ socially awkward, I should just say socially awkward. All the way baby….
It takes me quite a while to relax and feel comfortable with you. You being you in the actual real world, in-person that is. I think I come across a little different via email. I know I can be way more verbose and quick-witted. And eloquent. It is easy when you can erase or delete that last sentence and write it again before you send it.
I have no control over it really, and envy people that are easily chatty. And have tons of friends. I have tried to change it, but to no avail. I think it’s here to stay, as much as I try to change it. And happily M gets it, and always has….