As I comfortably sit on my living-room floor and watch The Wire with M, I feel so grateful to be a healthy person.

I recently had a little health scare involving my heart, which was pretty overwhelming emotionally speaking. I am the type of person who has an extremely over-active imagination, so I tend towards the dramatics where my health is concerned. And also towards the negative….. but maybe that’s everyone.

So a few years back when I was having some minor issues with my skin, I worked myself up to the point where I was pretty much convinced it was skin cancer. Which it turned out to not be….

When my tooth started to hurt a few months ago, I immediately thought it was serious cavities, like serious…. probably because I hadn’t been to the dentist in forever. And then the pain went away, and hasn’t returned.

So when I started having these issues with my heart, I immediately thought the worst.

Congestive heart failure, strokes, heart attacks, thrombosis (brought on by excessive Wed MD-ing). I am a chronic self-diagnosiser (which is not a word). I have a hard time refraining myself from googling health related things and then ‘surprise!’ finding that I have the same symptoms. Its chronic.

Anyways, I ended up in the ER. And thats all that I am going to say about that.

And then, through my doctor, ended up at a Cardiologist. Which was where I was today, finishing up a series of tests, checking out my heart, making sure things are ok.

Which they are.

Which is a huge deep sigh of relief for me (and M as well). Which means that I will make it to V’s first birthday (yes, that is where my over-active mind took me).

Picking up my sweet little boy early from daycare, and holding him close with his little plump hands trailing over my face and neck I felt so blessed. And so in love. And so blessed again that my heart is strong and can handle this huge amount of love that I feel for my perfect little man.

And then blessed for the third time that despite my hyper-active imagination, my anxiety, my chronic stress issues, my inability to ask for any help at all with anything and problems with sitting down and actually relaxing, I have managed to survive 8 months of motherhood and the 3 of us are still alive.

And M and I sit love each other. A lot.

And so, I have turned over a new health-related leaf. Vitamins, huge amounts of water, low sodium, no caffeine at all, no chocolate (if I can help it), as little processed sugar as I can help it.

As I am already seeing the positive benefits of all of these changes, I just feel more motivated to continue. And everytime I see darling V, my drive and determination increases. So again, I feel grateful to be a healthy person. Grateful for M and V and for The Wire…….


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2 responses to “*heart*

  1. Tamsin

    forgive me in advance for the tempations I have sent…

    It’s hard for me to put into words how I feel reading this post. I won’t even go there. Yes, cause I am wimp and I get teary eyed thinking this stuff, sooooo I’ll say instead;
    Love you lots and look forward to many many MANY more years of being your friend…till we’re old and grey and say things like “remember when we…” and giggle like school girls and our kids roll their eyes, cause of course we never had lives before them!!
    love ya J

  2. Pingback: Memories… « One Lovely Atlantic Mama and family

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