Today I got yelled at by my neighbour, who assumed incorrectly that I wasn’t going to pick up after my dog. She yelled at me as I was passing her on my way to the dog-poop bag station at my apartment complex… “I hope you’re picking up after you dog. Don’t forget to get a bag…. “. It was a proper yell too….

Since this was my second encounter with her, and pretty much as rude as the first, I can’t say I was that surprised by what she said. What I was surprised by was her interested in my dog’s bowels. Her negative interest. Somehow, in my whole huge apartment complex, full of tons of people with dogs much larger than mine, my chihuahua has apparently become the ‘Ed Bain’ of her existence and is now completely to blame for every other owners failure to pick up poop. How this even happened I am at a loss to explain…..

The first time it happened I felt a bit bullied as she stalked towards me and thrust a poop-bag into my hands, all the while talking into her cell phone as her large dog lunged towards my teeny one. Apparently she didn’t care at all what kind of impression she was making… I mean, sure I am guilty of the odd stealth poop (from my dog), but he’s a chihuahua and, lets be honest here, sometimes its hard to find in the tall grass.

And its hard to pick up after your dog when you are carrying a 20 pound child in your arms. And who wants to pick up poop while you are carrying a baby anyways…. gross!

Clearly she has been poop stalking me though, as the second time I encountered her it was just more of the same nastiness and shouting. Why be so angry, I wonder…..

I think she just doesnt like me.

And why? No idea, since I have no idea who she is….. But since that first meeting, M and I have dubbed her the ‘Poop Nazi’ for her ridiculous interest in other people’s pet’s bowel movements.
And she has a big bum.

I apologize for that last part. So mean (true, but mean..)…. but it is actually huge….


Must be her crazy Americanness. People in Vancouver would certainly not be this uncouth, there would be extra-politeness for sure and friendly headnods as well. None of this angry glaring and beady little eyes following my dog’s bum around as he scratches away in the grass.

Clearly this whole thing is bothering me, or I wouldn’t be writing about it (and I just finished telling my sister about it). M says hes going to feed the dog extra and then take him over to the Poop Nazi’s apartment area and let it loose. Frankly, I would just prefer to walk the dog elsewhere as confrontation makes me shake…. and say things I may regret.

For a woman so obsessed with feces, perhaps she put herself in the perfect place to overlook such lovely activities as her apartment windows face a lovely expanse of green grass with a poop-bag station planted firmly in the middle.

Anyways, after our grand meeting, and much replaying of it in my mind (equiped with my better responses and witty reparte) I decided that the best thing to do would simply be to be extra super friendly towards her! And whole “Morning Neighbour’ approach! Lots of exclamation marks!!!!!!!!!! While it might not improve her impression of me as the ‘leaver of the occasional doo’, it might irritate her to the extent that she will leave it alone (or pick it up…hahahahha…), and not be such a sulky nasty moo-cow.

Having now got that all off my chest, I feel pleasantly relaxed and ready to go to bed…. memories of Poop Nazi drifting away in the night air…..


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3 responses to “Poop

  1. Lindsay

    the “ed bain” of your existence! HAHA! Even though that is so old, it’s not – i still think it’s funny!!
    love you

  2. Pam and George

    To actually find humor in the Poop Patronizer is what is so special about your story…keep laughing, or at least smiling at her…it keeps people off guard!

  3. Jaime

    Aw, I love that you guys leave me comments… xoxo

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